I talked to someone…

I actually talked to a psychiatrist. Mind you, it was not in the traditional sense. It was through an interesting resource at betterhelp.com where they do sessions anyway that would be beneficial to you.Was it my cup of tea? Well, not fully…

The system they have in place is fantastic. You can either talk to someone through messages or over the phone. I had this fantastic person who was actually engaging for a bit. She was asking valid questions and proded me to open up into areas that I had not explored in a while.

The issue I had with the system is that it was not for me. Not from the sense that it was always available: that part I found very interesting and handy. The issue I ran into was that I forwarded her towards with blog when she started treading over topics that I had written about recently. That would have been fine, except she vanished for hours. In hind sight, she was reading, but to me she just… disappeared.

It was about two days later that I received another message from her saying “I think you sound angry. Care to elaborate?”

Ironically, I was too angry at that statement to politely reply, and I cancelled my account immediately. You see, there is no ‘contact had read’ notification. From my interaction, she just vanished for a day or more. I was disheartened, but relieved at the same time.

The relief comes from a place where I worry that I am more broken than what I know. In the brief conversation that we had, she let me know that I was not. The concern about my internalized anger is something I knew existed, and I have been working in my own way to fix it (which is probably not healthy).

I digress, my point of writing this is to point out to my readers that such a service exists. It is relatively inexpensive, as well. I would recommend that everyone, even if it is just one session, give it a try. The psychologists are all accredited. Yes, it is strange baring yourself to a screen, but at least it is better than spinning in your mind waiting for the next cat video to upload.

Todays recommended buy is from Cat Power. Sun is an interesting release for her, much less blues bases than her other albums, but still maintains that etherial, dream-like sound. Easiest comparison is Norah Jones but more commercial and more drugged-out.

On a side-note: another thank you is in order to Joey and Bree. Your Patreon contributions have cemented ansP releases every month this year

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~PATREON SUPPORTER TALE :: Bree Harrison

Bree and I go back a number of years. Early me playing drums for the Twin, anyway. She was that girl with the expensive camera, pushing her way to the front of concerts, trying to get fantastic photographs of bands. She was very good at taking pictures. To my knowledge, she never monetized the practice, but she could have.

I digress.

So, as I was saying, I saw her around long before I talked to her. She started hanging out with members of my band. Me, with the license, got to know her over driving her from the concerts back to my vocalist house. She grew on me, much as a fungus would grow on a rock.

No, that analogy paints a bad picture. Let me try the metaphor again.

Her and I became quick friends. We both rarely slept, and would spend many nights exchanging solum looks while we helped people through many different stages of inebriation. We both had a similar outlook on life, friends, music, and family. I am not saying that her and I had the same woes, but we would find the same things funny.

Like Katie, I considered Bree a sister. Unlike Katie, Bree lived in the same town, and I would see her almost everyday some months.

She moved across country to BC a number of years ago. Between that event, and me getting sick, I have only seen her a couple of times in the last few years. I miss her dearly.

I also have to mention that SHE DONATED $100! I asked her swiftly if that was on purpose, she assured me that it was, though temporary as her work was seasonal.

So, I conclude with: FUCK YOU, BREE! I love you and I hope we can spend time together soon.

Thanks to her donation, the next ansP releases will be back to back months. So, to clarify, September, October, November, and December will all see releases. We’ll see what the donations are like, and I’ll see if releases continue in this pattern for the new year.

A tale of Toronto ALSO news about selling out.

It has been far too long since I last wrote about me. Although, it could be argued that the post I made in reference to Shameful Sheep back in April was just that, but I digress. There is something horrible about Toronto.

For those who do not know, Toronto is Canada’s biggest city. I mean, sitting at a population just shy of 3 million is laughable to some, but living there has been a dream of mine for what seems like forever!

My wife and I have made three separate attempts to go to events there. Though we were late for the first couple, it does not forgive the fact that it is one of the least wheelchair friendly cities I have ever tried to explore.

For example, and since it literally just happened so it is fresh in my mind, we had tickets to a comedy festival. We found out after the fact that it was outside and got canceled due to weather not being fun and whatnot, but we could not get parking anywhere near the place. In fact: the only parking we could attain was down a 45 degree hill 20 minuets from the venue. That is not saying that it was not possible, not at all. What it is saying is that we would have had to have been 45 minuets earlier to even pretend to arrive on time.

Gumble grumble something about first world problems grumble grumble…

Whee! Tangent time!

Something I have been working on is now I am an associate of Amazon.ca/com/co.uk. Why? I want to do this full time.

Check that.

NEED to do this full time. I am, after all, an epileptic paraplegic. I am not saying that the workplace is against hiring such a high-risk individual, that would be illegal! What I am saying is that it is very hard to find a place that would be interested in hiring someone of my “medical pedigree.”

With that said, if you know of somewhere that would hire me, please let me know! My animals need all the foods they can get!

Fancy new tier rewards on the ol’ Patreon! $5 and $7 dollars will either get your name used as a hero or a villain in an upcoming ansP release!

So, my plan for the next while [anyway] is to post a link to a recommended item every week. Each item will have a brief description and a reason to love it, and the image that accompanies that will link to the Amazon page selling it. Please, consider this.

It took me FAR too long to figure this out, but below is a link to one of my — *AHEM* — my FAVOURITE album of all time. The lyrics paint such an honest portrait of love ending. The music is haunting, yet beautiful. It is honest, yet fantastical. Seriously, look into it. If you are going to buy it, try through the link below. It goes right to the Amazon page. Album is for fans of Sparta and, well, people into good music. It is far from metal, but a good appreciation of heavier music would help in understanding why I consider this album so Godly.

Recommended for fans of Sparta, At the Drive In, and people who want Death Cab For Cutie to have more of an edge.

Click the image below if you are interested in purchasing!

~PATREON SUPPORTER TALE :: Joey Hartman

Joey: you have been a fantastic support in the last month. I feel bad because we had a very uneventful friendship. Especially how we got talking.

To explain to everyone, Joey was that guy who went to the occasional local show. I liked his hair, but we never really talked. Not for any sort of negative reasons, we just traveled in different circles.

Then: he became that guy dating my ex girlfriend. Then, soon moved to that guy dating my ex-girlfriend AND living with my other ex. There was never any bad blood, he was always super friendly when we ran into each other.

No, I was the douche ho.ding onto resentment secretly, for a little bit anyway. I got over it quickly. I don’t even have a good excuse why I was ever so uncomfortable. I think it was just me being a teenager/young man.

Due to me being silly, Joey and I didn’t share in many ‘coming-of-age’ tales. There was about two years where we were both in metal bands and shared the stage a few times. He was a vocalist, and quite a good one at that.

Anyway, that ex-girlfriend of mine he was dating? Yeah, they got married a couple of years ago. Now they have a beautiful baby daughter. I have nothing but respect for the two of them, and I wish them the best of luck.

Thank you, Joey. You are one of the good ones.

PATREON UPDATE: I added a few new tiers. I am always looking for new ideas, and would love to hear everyone out. Also, my update for Sunday gives more details and, frankly, better details. I just wrote it, so I am not going to put it all down again. Keep posted for that update Sunday at Eight AM.

One thing I forgot to mention: there have been some that have not actually selected a tier. As you can tell by my rampant explanation of my past over and over again, it does not affect me directly. It does, unfortunately, effect the algorithms around the visibility of the site PLEASE make sure to select a tier. There are options if you do not want anything other than praise (because who does not want praise?).

What happens next?

I love being asked that question when it comes to my writing. I don’t know: maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe I need to make it more obvious in what I dictate that the point is uncertainty?

In life, you live through events and either never grasp their ramifications, or they go right over your head all together. That is how I write. I never really solve the narrative in the strictest sense. I tend to leave the reader with all the information – all the events – and just come to AN ending.

Is that not what I am supposed to do? Do I do it wrong?

I have been inundated with questions regarding You’re Not Dead (which is fitting because production stopped on the fifth. There are still some copies on Amazon) questioning why I ended it the way I did. The response to that is very simple: it was a reflection on the year I had during the events of that book. The ending is not explicit because I have not found out yet. The only ending I will find is my death.

What I find more interesting was how many people have asked me if the next chapter of Elaine is going to sort out some questions.

Allow me to make this as clear as I can: that was a self-contained story. There is no ‘Part Two’ or happy ribbon to mark it off the ol’ reading list. That was never the point and will never be the point to most short stories I write, I do not see our lives as having an intro, conflict, resolution — or at least not often I know that I, personally, have never been privy to such splendour.

I have run into another issue: Should I stick to my guns for my release schedule of ansP stories, or move it over since I already fucked it up? I am not even asking because I want (no, NEED) to release Hannah’s piece, but I feel like I confused the situation already and I want to fix it. Any thought?

OR WE COULD ALL LOOK AT MY PATREON AND HIT $100 A MONTH SO WE DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT AND YOU GET A STORY EVERY MONTH.

That’s Better…

I am sorry for the vanishing last week. My wife bought me a new laptop for our anniversary, and it was very difficult for me using my main PC to update.

*insert joke about being blind here*

So, yeah! I have a new laptop. It is nothing fancy, but it does mark the first time I have owned a Windows computer in over fifteen years. No: it cannot handle the gaming that comes with having Windows over Mac, but there are other programs that I can utilize for the first time since early high school. I’ll let you know when I bust one out.

I know that you probably crave specs. Unfortunately for all three or four of you that even care, I do not care. I am just happy that I can have a computer on my lap for the first time in a week or so without getting angry at how slow everything has gotten.

Oh: I should probably fill you in on what happened with my last laptop…

Basically: it slowed to a crawl after my dog knocked a coffee onto it. I was far from surprised that it had that effect, but I was upset non-the-less. The massive perk with this computer is that it is actually lighter than the one I had. The downside is that, though disabled, Cortana is fucking EVERYWHERE. I don’t trust it. I was able to disable Siri no problem, so I am sure that I can figure out a block in no-time.

Now, excuse me while I remember how to use this fucking OS in a timely manner.

*gets frustrated and gets coffee*

 

PLEASE NOTE: I may come off as ungreatful, but I am quite the opposite. She got me a fucking LAPTOP! How awesome is that!?!?!?!?!?!

It was brought to my attention that I kept saying that Elaine would be released in July and I pushed it to June. That was my mistake, I guess I was just excited. Almighty Human written by the amazing Hannah Jordan will still be released September first. I am excited. I hope you are to.

~lazy person.

Yeah: you can judge. I am taking the next couple of weeks off. I am burnt out again. I had a couple of personal hits that I do not wish to discuss. I am getting everything sorted over the next week, and until everything is finalized, I cannot move on. I am sorry.