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Seizures & Why I Get Them

What happens when I get a seizure? Can I always identify when it will happen and what happens?

Yes and no. There are a few things that happens physically that I notice, but I have become aware to them instead of them intruding heavily in my life.

I get sleepy. That sounds stupid (I am well aware) but it happens randomly and suddenly. I am still a step or two away from finding out why it happens, but I suspect  hypoglycaemia or something in that same vein. The reason I do think that is it only happens when I have not eaten properly for a few hours.

Everything on that point sounds really silly to me when I type it out, but I can assure you: it is a hassle. Think of how often you go an extra hour not eating because you have to finish something or you have company. I pass out.

What am I doing to mitigate the issue? I drink a pop/soda when I start to feel a bit strange. That is usually enough to hold me over until meal time. Otherwise, I am just eating as much as I can, and exercising.

I have only hurt myself once when I fall over. The other night, I must have gone face first into a desk. I came to with a black eye and a bruise/scrape combination on my arm. Otherwise, there has been no effect outside of loosing some time and being horribly disorientated when I wake up.

I have done a little bit of research into what causes seizures. The case that relates most to me is massive cranial trauma. Since the encephalitis was literally my brain crushing itself against my skull, I am going to assume that is the link to why I have seizures. I feel I am allowed to make assumptions because the specialist I saw actually said ‘yeah… we don’t know why you pass out’ (please note that is paraphrased, not a direct quote).

Anywho, I just thought I would fill everyone in with what I know.

SIDE NOTE: I have my next book mostly done. If you would like to read the rough draft, let me know either in the comments below or on my FaceBook.

Journey: Nihilism at its Finest

I should preface this by warning those who care that this will contain spoilers for the game Journey.

Yes: Journey. The game by ‘That Videogame Company’ which came out in 2012. I love everything about this game: The art style. The soundtrack. The narrative.

To those who don’t know or never cared to know, Journey is a game where you direct a nameless, voiceless character from the beginning of a map to the end. The path is full of puzzles and various clues to a past. Nothing is explained, in a tradition sense, and the clues are there for you piece together as time goes on.

It is a simple game in every way. That is what makes it so daunting and stressful at times. I do find that part mildly ironic. I first was introduced to this game by someone who sold me on it by claiming it is relaxing.

Due to the fact there is no narration and little text, the player is taxed with finding the correct path from point to point. You are doing so while trying to complete the task.

What task?

Well, the game does not tell you. Ever. You assume it is important. You assume that it will be explained as time goes on. However, you get to the end and…

Yep.

The game concludes with a cinematic recap of the environments you just tread while the credits roll and beautiful music plays in the background.

It is kind of an anti-climax, but I still found it incredibly satisfying.

You see, I took the game to artistically depict my views on life.

All that matters is now. The events that happen later are, yes, in consequence of what now contains. This does not change the fact that whatever you are feeling now is all that matters.

Journey displays this by telling the player to go on an adventure. One that does not contain any direction except for the walls of the environment. The player has to then endure many difficult trials with NO rhyme or reason except to get to the end. Then, there is end. You die. Well, maybe not DIE, but you do stop existing in the ‘physical’ realm.

The strangest part of this ending was what I felt when I realized what had just happened: I felt accomplished. I felt like everything that needed to be done was done. I had a tonne of fun playing the game, and when it was over, I realized that I could play it again if I wanted to, but there was not that longing to.

That sounds so much worse than I intended it to. I played it again because I WANTED to. Not because the game was taunting me with a ‘maybe’ further play-through. I know I missed secrets on my first play, but my second I knew I was playing as a new character. My previous character was dead, and that was fine.

I cried just as hard the second ending as I did the first. Yes, me, an adult male, cried at the end of basically a cartoon with the bleakest outlook on existence that I have ever seen portrayed in that artistic medium.

Recently, I started following a play-through of someone playing Journey. It had been five years, give or take, since I had played, so of course I was compelled to watch. His commentary was annoying at times, he missed things that I noticed in the background, he went ways that I remembered as being wrong ways, but I will still link as many people as I can to the playlist because I think the game is that important.

To answer the question preemptively: yes, I wept at the end. I wasn’t even embarrassed, even though my dogs were looking at me like I had something wrong with me.

So, why did I open with a bold comparison saying this bleak, beautiful game is anything like nihilism? The game shows that there is no reason for anything we do. Like the game, life is a bunch of attempts at things until something sticks. In the end, it really does not matter what we have done. What does matter is how happy we are at the time.

I will take this opportunity to say that this is a blog, not a direction on how to live. If you are going to take my words to heart, talk it over with someone who understands the direction in which you are taking it. I am just kind of waffling through this post wile I keep my pets away from things they should not eat.

Also, I would like to point out the irony in me saying ‘only now matters! later means nothing!’ as I write this post one week before I post it.

I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD HALLOWE’EN!

Linda

Linda and I have a very uninteresting history. She is the mother of a friend of mine, and she is/was a regular at the music store I managed.

Being a nurse, she took an interest in everything I have gone through. One would think that once I left hospital, however, her interest would wain. That was far from the case, however. She has stayed in my metaphorical corner. Her support has been fantastic. She has shown my book to a few of her co-workers (which I appreciate) and understands my plights from both an educated and friend level.

There really was no point to me writing this other than I was feeling very particularly thankful of her existence when I wrote this. I will not link to her profiles or give her last name (because that is creepy and weird to do without permission) but I hope that everyone has a Linda-type in their life. We all need someone to just be in our corner when we need them.

You’re so vain

I do not know how arrogant this is, but I am listening to an old album while writing my next book. I think (because I cannot bring myself to bullshit) that I am almost done: maybe just a page or two left before editing. I think I am going to name the book “it doesn’t matter” in all lowercase because I am a douche. You would think, in a time of hashtags and trending, that I would write something and name it one word to keep things easy. I am, however, convinced that the aesthetic is fantastic.

Just released the first chapter of the new book recently. I hope you like it!

Just saying.

(this post doesn’t matter)

I think I may have done all I can with book two. I am sending it to a friend of mine to read over to let me know how bad of an idea this was. In the event that this was not a bad idea, however, I will have a new book out in about six months! It is called this book does not matter. and it is short, again. Twice the length of You’re Not Dead, however.

This will be the first fiction that I have written that is more than a few pages long. That part makes me incredibly nervous, but also really excited to share it with the world.

TACKED ON LATE: The post that I made last week was post 150. I might be the only person who finds that a really cool number.

Have You Not HEARD? Part II

I realized on Thursday that this was being posted on October first. Happy spook-month, everyone!

This is a series of blog updates where I either remind you of bands you forgot, or show you things you may have never heard before. Every album listed here is one of my favourites, and I will try not to bring up duplicates from other lists I have done.

Bloc Party :: Four
This band confuses me. I am very aware that they are far from the scope of the mainstream (or, were huge at one time, anyway), but no one seems to talk about them. I have been made well aware that they are terrible on stage, but that does not change the fact that Four is one of the greatest albums I have ever heard. Hard-hitting, spiteful, dark, yet beautiful.
Recommended listening — We Are Not Good People

Boards of Canada :: Music Has the Right to Children
Yes, I admit, this is a strange album that not many people would be interested in. It is electronica, but very much background ambience. Brought to you by the same record label that brought Aphex Twin and Squarepusher to the world, this exists in a kind of strange vacuum that could be considered Adult Contemporary, but it is far too strange and fantastic to be degraded in such a way. (I’m sorry if you like Adult Contemporary, just not my thing)
Recommended listening — Wildlife Analysis

Broken Social Scene :: You Forgot It In People
To set the record straight early: I really hope that no one has actually forgot this band. Seriously, when was the last time you listened to this album? Not recently enough is the answer. Interesting Canadian Pop-Rock, with an impressive collection of vocal artists and very talented musicians.
Recommended listening — K.C. Accidental

Broken Social Scene Present: Kevin Drew :: Spirit If…
Strange, honest, jangly… this album contains everything that could be considered great in the early-2000’s Canadian Indi scene. It contains one of my favourite songs ever recorded and, for the last decade since its release, I rarely go a week without treating myself to this forgotten gem.
Recommended listening — TBTF

Dear in the Headlights :: Small Steps, Heavy Hooves
I feel so badly for this band. They were released on Equal Vision in 2005 and were quickly overshadowed by the emo and hardcore movement that was taking place at that time. Ignored by the masses, the world dejected one of the most talented bands to ever grace our planet. Good from beginning to end, please do yourself a favour and give it a fair listen. Do it for you.
Recommended listening — Sweet Talk

Deathmole :: Present Peregrine
This is a fake-not-fake band. Jeph Jaques created Deathmole as a joke in a comic he writes, and then used the opportunity to flex his creative muscles musically. The result is a very interesting take on the Djent genre. As far as I am aware, the drums were all programmed. I must say, he did a fantastic job on them despite that fact.
Recommended listening — Personal Charm

Death From Above 1979 :: You’re A Woman, I’m A Machine
My friend Kevo and I did a rendition of “Turn It Out” for a school pep-rally over a decade ago. The album dropped back in ’04, and I think we performed it ’05? Does anyone remember, or have a link? Was there ever a video taken of this? I would love to see it. That occasion stands as one of the first times I tried to sing and play drums: and I forgot the words half way through. It was awesome.

OH YEAH, THE ALBUM. It is Punk with just bass and drums. Hard, strangely funky, a lot of fun. I don’t put it on often, but I am always happy when I do.
Recommended listening — Turn It Out

Hot Hot Heat :: Future Breeds
Fun. Fucked. Amazing. I love this album. (I just noticed just how much of this list is Canadian, and I am far from sorry about that.) This album is a great example of what you can put in music that will annoy people, yet still do incredibly well at the end of the day. Phenomenal lyrics that hide time and key changes masterfully. Something else I feel like I should mention: the vocals are much less obnoxious than they were on earlier releases. I am not saying that they were bad, back-in-the-day, but they were grating if you could not get behind them.
(secret: if you want to see a drummer cry, get them to drum along to this album. It sounds simple, but it’s noooooot)
Recommended listening — JFK’s Acid

The (International) Noise Conspiracy :: A New Morning, Changing Weather
I will be candid here, I hate this band. In my eyes, this album was fantastic, Survival Sickness had some good tunes: THAT’S IT. You may recognize the singer as being the front man from Refused, but he does NOTHING to that caliber. Not that he should, however. This album is a strange combination of Surf-Rock and Punk: it worked once, at least.
Recommended listening — Up For Sale

Lullabye Arkestra :: Ampgrave
This band is strange. Like, proper strange. Just bass and drums (on stage, anyway), and they were very artsy. The drummer was from Do Make Say Think, and his wife was on bass. They put on one of my favourite live acts I have ever seen. It was awkward, fun, loud, and inviting: you felt like they wanted you there, and everyone else was your good friend. Really recommend listening to a few songs off this album before you jump to a conclusion.
Recommended listening — Unite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maximo Park :: A Certain Trigger
This album means more to me than it probably should. I picked it up randomly when I was still working at the music store on a whim. I was immediately caught off guard by how much I enjoyed it. It reminded me of The Smiths, without sounding anything like them. They are one of the tightest bands I have ever heard, and the lyrics are very ridiculous, but still important.

Random personal story: when I was fresh out of the coma, and finally starting to realize the world around me, I identified with the song “Apply Some Pressure” in a morbid way. Something about the way the singer keeps repeating the phrase “What happens when you loose everything? You just start again. Start all over again.” It just resonated with everything that I was and still am going through.
Recommended listening — Apply Some Pressure

(Of course, I would point out the song that keeps the album close to my heart.)

AMENDMENT TO MAXIMO PARK: After listening to “The Queen is Dead” I no longer agree with my Smiths comparison. I do hold true to the fact they sound like that era. The Smiths are their own beast, and few bands will ever be able to recreate that sound reliably.

I am not here to tell you what you need to listen to. I just simply need to remind the world of these artists and/or bands. If you do not love them, as I do, that is okay. I still want to make these exposés every once in a while. As I have stated in the past, I do aim to do a music update at least once a month. I have not done one since June 25th, and I am not proud of that. Please, share this list with your friends. Tell me if you found something awesome, or recommend something that you think I might like!

Why do I bother?

I have been working on my next book for the last few months. I am doing so quietly because I feel I am prone to make promises that I cannot keep.

I have run into a frequent issue that I have. What I have so far makes a fantastic story, in my observation. The plot is complex, the characters are rounded, and the scenery is detailed and flushed out. I have only written 70 pages, and a few of them contain only a sentence or two.

I view this as different from writers-block. It is not that I do not know where to go, it is more that I do not want to taint what I have so far. I do not have more story because I do not want more story.

UPDATE A FEW DAYS LATER!

I think I know what I’m going to do, and hopefully it will stretch everything out to at least 100 pages. 

I REALLY like it, and I hope you do to.

Stumped.

The single most confusing thing to me is people who expect me to walk who have never seen me walking. It infuriates me to no end, and I am not sure what they are getting out of picturing me walking around. I am as independent as possible and RARELY ask for assistance: so it’s not like I am begging for a hand doing simple tasks.

No. I can no longer drive. Even if I started walking tomorrow, the seizures have made that a fact. I am, however, not driving. I always got myself around and rarely asked for rides. I even avoid making plans to events I know I have only a small chance to get to.

The major thing that I missed from driving was the soundtracks that I concocted to join me on the venture. Yes, I can listen to what I want to when I want to now, but there is something magical about music playing over your actions.