I had a discussion with a gentleman about the idea of “giving up” tonight. I got thinking about myself and what I have gone through both physically and mentally over the last couple of years and I have come to a conclusion which should be no surprise to anyone.
Why give up?
The very idea implies that you feel as though you cannot make it through what you are in and life is just too overbearing to get through.
The very idea implies that you feel you cannot achieve a goal you have set for yourself.
Please correct me if my definition is wrong.
I hope no one is actually fearing for me in regards to giving up. As I said to my friend: I am way too arrogant to give up.
Like I have stated before: I am medically sound. I have yet to be told that I am in this position permanently with any sort of assurance other than “I’m a doctor and know everything. What’s your name again?”
I was expected to die. Lived.
I was not supposed to digest or eat on my own. Do.
I was not supposed to breathe on my own. Do.
I am supposed to suffer major cognitive issues and am never supposed to be able to generate thoughts for myself. I have kept this blog open between two different sites for almost a year at this point.
I was never supposed to be able to even stand with a walker. I can walk close to a Kilometer with one.
Am I going to just roll over and accept what I have?
No. It could be viewed as the easier option, but I would just be so disappointed in myself. I have come this far. I have done so much. I am in school and got a fucking scholarship to be here.
I have been reminded of some things people have posted over the last two weeks. It is always humbling to know that I have touched people and I hope to continue to be important in the lives of who I am close to.
This is far from the update I was planning on doing. I am having difficulty getting recourses together, so I may take the rest of the year to make sure I get everything I need together.
Have a great Holiday, a fantastic New Year, and a great last few weeks of this month.
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