Please, do not give up. Regardless of what state you were in before and find yourself in now, do not give up.
I was a drummer. I played Warped Tour in front of hundreds, I played along side my idols in The Dillinger Escape Plan. I have gone on a tour, been on 10 releases, and I have had my songs played on radio. All of this was taken very suddenly from me.
I would be lying if I said that I did not think about ending everything. I would be skimming over truths if knives did not hold an allure over me. My cat fell to his death a year ago, and a part of me was horribly jealous. My wife takes a concoction of pills that have a very low LD. She keeps them in the open as we, right now, have no need to hide them. It would be extremely easy to take the little blue pills right now. Hell, in theory, I would not feel a thing.
What keeps me from doing this? What keeps me here? I cannot walk, I am broke.
Simple: curiosity. What can I do? That response might sound selfish, but it is what keeps me here. Yes, I have friends that I love very much. Yes, I have dreams that I want to fulfill. However, if I am honest with myself and everyone that reads this: I want to know how things will end without my interference. Do I get murdered? Do I get hit by a car? That is what I want to know.
Can I get a book on shelves? I have one available, and I never thought that would happen, and I have released a second {short} second one independently. This will not placate me, however. I want to be on the shelf when you walk into a Chapters or something. Not from a place of arrogance. I do not need a best seller or anything like that. I would just like my voice to be heard. (On that note, support me on Patreon)
So, will I kill myself? No. I am way too busy. My dogs would get hungry, and my wife would miss me. Not to mention my cat would be without a lap to sit on.
Oh, I will write something of substance soon. I am just enjoying the waffling. I whipped this post together in about an hour. That is substantially shorter than usual.
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