Five Paragraphs

The “Five-Paragraph” essay style is just a framework. One cannot rely on that being useful for everything that they do. For example, I tend towards more of a conversation style when I write my blogs. The reason for that is simply that is how my brain works. The five-paragraph setup seems like a decent way to organize thoughts, but it has a few flaws.

One such flaw is that because someone has the intent of going with that style, they beat points into submission. I understand that this is to elaborate on a thought, but it bogs the reader down with information about a topic. Unnecessary details muddy up an otherwise clear purpose, and other points are left with little to no information at all.

It especially hurts the ‘essay’ because the points are all supposed to be mentioned in the initial paragraph. Again, I know that they are supposed to be sussed out in the subsequent words, but it feels redundant. It feels almost patronizing. The worst part is that it inhibits the author from expressing themselves creatively by playing with formatting. If the writer runs out of points for a topic, the reader can expect them to fill the space with text like this, or with recursive thoughts on the points already expressed.

The point of the third paragraph is to drive home the point before the conclusive paragraph is expressed. To force the writer to have another point when they feel like they have already proven their purpose is silly. This paragraph will just waffle about having no real purpose. There is also a good chance that this will be the paragraph with the most grammatical errors. But I digress.

So yes, the five-paragraph system is a bit silly. As a teaching tool, it works pretty well. It expresses the importance of organizing your thoughts, and the importance of planning ahead. To use this method as an adult shows an ongoing issue in regards to planning out ideas. Therefore, I am not saying that we should do away with this concept, but am saying that we should not expect it in every bit of writing. Especially when the writing is informal or opinion.

NOW, FOR ALL OF THAT THE WAY I USUALLY WRITE

So, can we all agree that the five-paragraph way of writing is silly?

It forces the repetition of ideas, stifles any form of opinion, and seriously hampers creativity. As a teaching tool, it’s a great way to start. As a crutch, it stifles ideas by forcing the writer to sit on a point for longer than may be necessary.

Maybe I’m alone in that. There is a good chance that my writing is unattainable and confusing. My language may be obtuse, and my opinions irreverent.

Damnit, there is a very good chance that I just don’t like being told what to do! I am, after all, just an old child. Forever having the mind of a thirteen year old who wants to do what they want to do and you cannot tell them otherwise or you will initiate the flood of hate and malice that comes when I am “forced into a box.”

Hey! I made my previous point in a much shorter line of words!

Anyway, fuck the five-paragraph setup. Fuck rules in writing that stifle creativity and originality. Fuck doing things for other people when you don’t want to.

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