Art & Freaking Out

I have been losing my mind, as of late. Back in February, I submitted my latest book to a publisher. They made it very clear that they will not even have the slightest feedback for at least six months. So, why am I freaking out this badly? Do I need a publisher for artistic expression?

Let’s start with the last question I posed. I love writing. I love the narratives that I come up with. As much as I enjoy an audience, I have and would continue to write for me. I kind of know the ways to do independent release, and I have connections to make things work mildly in that world.

This is the paragraph where I talk about the “BUT” in as great of detail as I can. I have been doing the independent artist thing for almost 15 years. I am not, and never was, good at it. I know this, and I am okay with the fact that I am horrible at social media/marketing.

EXAMPLE: did you, as someone who is reading this, know that I have a donation account? Hell: at $10/m, I’ll give your product or company a shoutout in my next vlog. I have probably mentioned part (if not all) of this endeavour before, or maybe I haven’t? (more info here)

Do you see why I know I am terrible at self-promotion?!

I was trying to explain to someone how writing is so different from art or music. The thing that I came up with is with art, people have opinions after a moment. Music, opinions can be instantaneous and accidental (came to see a different band, heard your song in a friends car, you posted a link to your latest whatever…). Even drama has the benefit of being engaging and exciting for a crowed (one hopes) and response is immediate. Opinions are given right away, longest one has to wait is an hour.

Writing, on the other hand, can take hours. I have waited a week or longer for an opinion on something. If I am stuck and asking for notes, it can take even longer. There have been several moments where I don’t receive any feedback at all.

Part of that longing for feedback is insecurity, I am well aware. After I released You’re Not Dead, I spent weeks combing over search results on Google, looking for reviews or mention from anything I was not expecting. It was like a drug that I needed, but I was never sure why that was the case.

I was not going to write anything about the submission because I am trying to keep expectations tamed, like anyone actually cares. I have been working away on another new book to keep my mind at ease, and I have so many plans and I am very excited about how it is turning out.

Yes: I am aware that was a run on sentence.


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