Author: jmgard

Worked retail for about ten years. Been in a wheelchair since November 2013. Doing my best to return to the life I once knew.

Wheelchair Reminder

I was in incredible pain and discomfort earlier. I was unable to figure out what exactly was wrong or what needed to change. Then, out of a kind of desperation, I re-adjusted my footplate on my chair. It seemed stupid to place all of my anguish on such a menial task, but I am ecstatic to report that it fixed a huge portion of my strife!

So, please consider this a reminder that if you are in a chair to do whatever maintenance you can as soon as you can. The smallest discomfort is not worth living through.

Yes, I am lucky enough to have the necessary tools on hand. On that note, most of the things you need to fix most things on modern manual chairs are easy to find at department stores, hardware stores, and in the garages of lovely neighbours! Don’t be too proud to ask around, and always remember that people are more than likely to be happy to help, if you ask!

On the topic of the footplate: does anyone else notice that they have to adjust footplates often? Mine goes long enough for me to only notice when it gets really low, and by then I have usually gone two or three days with circulation issues. That, however, just shows my lack of self preservation!

I’m still trying

Over the last week or two, I have been trying to sort out the subtitles on my videos via youtube. It’s going well, but I am far from done. I have completed roughly two of nearly 50 I have posted on there. I really don’t think I am going to do them all, especially since the pre-video ones I have been tempted to scrub from the collective memory. Give what I have done a watch. Consider a subscription. I highly recommend the subtitles being turned on, especially during the songs.

Art & Freaking Out

I have been losing my mind, as of late. Back in February, I submitted my latest book to a publisher. They made it very clear that they will not even have the slightest feedback for at least six months. So, why am I freaking out this badly? Do I need a publisher for artistic expression?

Let’s start with the last question I posed. I love writing. I love the narratives that I come up with. As much as I enjoy an audience, I have and would continue to write for me. I kind of know the ways to do independent release, and I have connections to make things work mildly in that world.

This is the paragraph where I talk about the “BUT” in as great of detail as I can. I have been doing the independent artist thing for almost 15 years. I am not, and never was, good at it. I know this, and I am okay with the fact that I am horrible at social media/marketing.

EXAMPLE: did you, as someone who is reading this, know that I have a donation account? Hell: at $10/m, I’ll give your product or company a shoutout in my next vlog. I have probably mentioned part (if not all) of this endeavour before, or maybe I haven’t? (more info here)

Do you see why I know I am terrible at self-promotion?!

I was trying to explain to someone how writing is so different from art or music. The thing that I came up with is with art, people have opinions after a moment. Music, opinions can be instantaneous and accidental (came to see a different band, heard your song in a friends car, you posted a link to your latest whatever…). Even drama has the benefit of being engaging and exciting for a crowed (one hopes) and response is immediate. Opinions are given right away, longest one has to wait is an hour.

Writing, on the other hand, can take hours. I have waited a week or longer for an opinion on something. If I am stuck and asking for notes, it can take even longer. There have been several moments where I don’t receive any feedback at all.

Part of that longing for feedback is insecurity, I am well aware. After I released You’re Not Dead, I spent weeks combing over search results on Google, looking for reviews or mention from anything I was not expecting. It was like a drug that I needed, but I was never sure why that was the case.

I was not going to write anything about the submission because I am trying to keep expectations tamed, like anyone actually cares. I have been working away on another new book to keep my mind at ease, and I have so many plans and I am very excited about how it is turning out.

Yes: I am aware that was a run on sentence.

life

I am probably going to make a vlog about this in the near future, but I have successfully stretched myself too thin creatively. I am writing a new book, I have one submitted to a new publisher who promises to reply by the end of the summer, and and I keep coming up with vlog ideas instead of blog ideas, if that makes sense.

No, I am not scrapping this site. To be as utilitarian as possible, I use it for advertising and notice of publication and tangents about literally nothing but what is going on in my mind.

Yes, this is a hint that updates will be slower than you may be expecting.

I ask for your ongoing patients and love for the next few months. I will be dipping in and out with nuggets of text and I will always link my latest videos here, as well as flooding my socials with them.

If you haven’t checked it out yet, I have a BuyMeACoffee account. Great way to financially support me and my stupid artistic endeavours. As I mentioned, new book news I hope available soon. New book being written, and NO YOU CANNOT READ IT.

If you haven’t yet, pick up a copy of You’re Not Dead. Or, at the very least, let someone know that it exists. It would be really cool if you gave it a rating, but even knowing that you have read it tickles me to my core.

I did another Vlog

Don’t you enjoy how I make the fact that I did another video sound important?

Anyway, I hope you enjoy these. I felt like I needed to do something, as I have been slacking on writing here and in my next book.

I hope you have read and enjoyed the latest version of my last book. I have been in contact with another new publisher. I hope that I will have exciting news in that world soon.

Not Dead Day

Today marks nine years since my first public announcement of my surviving. I made that sound mildly hyperbolic, I assure you that I am downplaying for dramatic effect.

I will recap the day even though I think I did a decent job describing it in my book for those of you who have not read it yet.

Basically, as far as the world outside of my direct circles were concerned, I died on or around my 25th birthday. Imagine the confusion when I post on my FaceBook “Alive and kicking in Hamilton”.

What I don’t think I have discussed, that was a bit of black humour, on my part. I was already fit with a wheelchair. In fact, at that moment, I was still considered a quadriplegic. The simple message I sent to my friends and family took me almost an hour to construct. Yes, I had most of my arm functions back, but I was still sloppy and shaky as I acclimatized to the situation. There was still a fair amount of shell-shock, regardless of the fact that I had been conscious for the last four months.

After nine years, I have to thank my family and friends who have stuck by my side. I have to thank the few people who keep reading my updates. I have to thank the people who have bought my book and read it. I have to thank the people who haven’t given up on me.

I love you.

Inspiration

That was a kind of trick. I really do not have any answers on finding inspiration, or on how to cope with the reality that you have to continue to exist without any.

One trick that I have discovered is to just kind of write with nothing in mind and see what happens. Maybe mess with grammar and formats to see what kinds of actions jog the creative streak. Of course, I am talking about writing in this instance. I have no clue how to cancauct creative stive in other feilds.

Oh! Another path I tend to lead myself down is to flex vernacular waves and push myself to expand what I think that I comprehend. Yes, I did just write that sentence to flex. Fight me.

Something I have been struggling with, as of late, is having a lot of things going on all at once, but not having anything concrete for a single one of them. It is fun, but also very stressful.