New Vlog!

New Vlog where I try to tackle The Twin! Hard topic to suss out. We were only a band for ~5 years, but a lot happened.

Off to the races…!

I have a plan for seven books.

I have one written so far, so it is much less daunting than it sounds. It’s a kind of series that I have in mind. I say “a kind of series” because they aren’t related so much in content or word, but they do share a grounding.

No, I am not going to tell you what it is. I am still sure I can actually do what I have planned, but I know that I cannot without backing from a major publisher.

I would be hiding the fact that this is a bit of marketing on my end. I hope that a literary agent will find my body of work more appealing if I had a promise of more to come and an extended universe that I hope to build.

The main take-away you should get from this post is that I am working on something huge and I am VERY excited to share it with all of you.

Hopefully, I can do that soon.

Read me

Hi! I haven’t updated in forever, and I’m sorry for that! I think. I’m never sure if silence is prefered over waffling for lines and lines, so I just keep myself quiet when I don’t have something pertinent to share.

I’m kind of going against that point this time, however. Simply because a long block of silence is something I try to avoid.

I have been writing a tonne of fiction again. Nothing I feel is worth sharing, for the most part. I have been shopping around a new book, and I guess that is something I should speak about. I just get mildly weary about posting such things. I’m never sure if I should announce such things when there is little-to-nothing to announce on the topic.

On that note, is it normal to get excited over a rejection letter?

It wasn’t a condemnation on my writing, the person was just stating how it was not their forté, and so they didn’t think they could do it justice.

There is this awkward period between submitting a work for representation and response. I get it completely, but because I hit a button and send the email, I am stuck wondering if they have even looked at it. What was nice about the rejection I did get was that I received the “hells no” within the hour I sent it off. I do not pretend to think that’s normal; but it was nice, regardless. I didn’t have to hit refresh on my emails 1230239512305 times an hour for a response that may never come my way.

Oh: I have written a new book. I should have lead with that point. I didn’t share any of the text because of one of the few conversations I had with a professional mentioned that any publication aside from with a major publisher could be a negative on going forward. So, that’s a thing.

My buddy Johnny released his 5 recommendations for amater writers. I agree with his statements, and I have ideas on how I could expand them. Alas: that was his project. I will leave it alone with nothing more than a link to his Instagram. He publishes fantastic poems whenever he feels confident in the product, and I really like what he has released so far. Please, show him some love. Bonus points if you let him know that I sent you.

Naked ‘n’ Exposed

I have been spending a majority of my morning applying, again, to Literary Agents.

It is a very small niche in the greater “agent” circle. I have more connection with reps in the music industry which, most of my musician friends will point out, are impossible to get contact with. Yet, somehow, I have steady (if not friendly) contact with at least 6 or 7 A&R reps. but no Literary Agents.

Also, interesting to probably only me: most Literary Agents are much older. That is not a bad thing, but it does speak to how difficult that world is to survive in. I have lost the video to time, but I watched this “day-in-the-life”-eque video. Apparently, or in this case anyway, Literary Agents make roughly 10% signing bonus for every successful sales pitch they make to a publisher? I found that incredibly humbling, and it also explained better in one stat why there are not more agents out there. There is no bloody money in it, and one agent could be stuck reading for days to just decide that person is not worth pursuing.

I’m already jaded due to years in the music industry to the idea of middle-men. Positions that simply exist to funnel the masses away from the big-wigs to “save time”. I understand the allure, but this kind of structure leads to nepotism and gatekeeping in the worst way.

I am starting to see the appeal in Vanity labels. If I was not so horrible at marketing, I would stay independent.

The ironic thing is that this post is me admitting that I need help looking for a literary agent. I mostly want to talk, but I can bring great things to the table!*

*might be a collection of uncooked meat.

this is about you

Fact: I rarely post anything with any thought of anyone.

If you are offended by what I post, ask yourself: does it attack me directly?

The answer universally is: NOT INTENTIONALLY.

I try, not always successfully, to post completely objective truths or very personal ideas. I am NOT trying to offend you. If you are offended by what gets posted, ask yourself ‘why?’ before jumping in and claiming I, or anyone else, is wrong. You might be exactly the person being attacked, but there may also be a good reason for it.

The other day, I reposted from an external source that Jesus was not white, and was anti-establishment. These are facts. However, a person jumped in saying refuting these facts, pointing to his church and the great charitable works they do.

NOT ONCE DID I SAY THAT EVERY CHRISTIAN CHURCH IS WRONG.

I just pushed along the facts that the Christian church has a shady past, and some people in the church needed a reminder that Jesus could NOT be a white man living in the Middle East in the time period being discussed in the Bible. His attacks on the regime in place are what made the Christian faith so important in history. Not once did I say that you are a bad person for not remembering that, I merely brought it up as something to be remembered.

The fact that I need to remind people that not everything posted online is an attack on them is, at this point, rather embarrassing. We have been living in an internet based world for over 20 years. Actually, depending on who you are and what capacity technology plays in your life, it could be argued that it has been closer to 50 years of internet borderline dependency. At this point, it shows your personal character if you think every opinion and statement is geared directly towards you

Does this post not contradict this point? Well, very astute, but the difference between what I am talking about and what happened is that the statements provided above are general. These are “facts” that apply to a broad audience, and really are not all that offensive. The affronted individual decided to attack me, personally, as if I was attacking him directly.

“Do not feed the trolls!” I hear the masses scream.

I removed him from personal lists, which I am confused how he got on in the first place. I can almost promise you that he does not read this site, as well. To attack him anonymously on the internet may seem petty, but I will not post his name. I deleted his public comments so no one can point him towards this. I have done everything in my power to make sure that he remains in ignorance of this, and I feel as though he needs to read this, anyway. To remind him that opinions on the internet are not usually meant to attack or hurt one person specifically, or divide anyone.

We live in a troubling time. The left-minded see an attempt at a rise in Fascism in one of the most powerful countries in the world right now. The right-minded are trying to embolden their way of thinking without having an oranged-faced oompa-loompa dictate how they are perceived. We are seeing bully-tactics being okay’d throughout the political sphere in Canada, which cheapens any sort of advancement. All of this on top of a global pandemic that, as a global population, were woefully unprepared for, even though there have been warning by scientists for years.

I get it; we are hurting. All of us need compassion and love instead of snarky comments and GIF depicting our beliefs, either spiritually or politically, are wrong. Personally, I would love nothing more than a hug most days.

We have to remember that soon, maybe even tomorrow, all will be better. No, nothing will 100% return to normal, but it will be better.

I love you.

Except you, Phil. You’re a dick.

see you in prison.

I am filled with glee.

For those who were living under a rock for the last almost-year, Derek Chauvin killed George Floyd during an arrest. I am not qualified to go into details, I recommend reading them yourself if you wish for details.

The short answer to the result was that he was found guilty of all three charges levied against him, including a level of murder. His trial went on longer than I personally think it should have since there was video footage of the event, plus a fair number of eye witnesses.

I have seen a number of people point out how this does not solve racism in the police force, and they are right. This is just one victory that needed to be made out of hundreds that occur each day. One victory in one country, and it is against one man. The whole system in every country needs to be reformed. Racism is only one part of a pie that was cut into very thin slices, and every -ism needs to be corrected.

The one bit that I personally have not seen acknowledged is how this is still a victory, and nothing can change that.

I am saying that as a white man from Canada, so you should take my opinion with a grain of salt. I am disabled, but my plight is more with society as a whole. I will say that a motion towards an and to racism is step to help all minority populations around the world.

Racism continues to be an issue in most countries. Homophobia and transphobia continues to be an issue in almost all countries. Sexism continues to be an issue globally. Disability discrimination continues to be an issue globally.

However, we get to celebrate for the next little while that there is one victory for the black community.

On a cusp…

Hello!

I was looking at my Patreon page the today. I am very close to hitting a milestone that I never thought even MILDLY approachable! Thank you to everyone who does find it in their heart to donate monthly.

To everyone else, please consider. It helps me keep this site up to date, and it helps me to feed my pets! Currently, I do not have the traffic from this site to make it even mildly feasible through ads and the like. Even a dollar a month helps me keep the URLs associated with my corner of the internet active.

Just $1 a month can help feed a family!*

*not really, I just feel like a UNICEF commercial posting something like this. I try to avoid blunt requests like this, but I can almost taste the abratary benchmark.

Stockholm Syndome

Did you ever think about the fact that no one realizes they are in a situation Stockholm Syndrome describes?

I am getting ahead of myself again. Let me define this, give an example, then explain what I mean.

Stockholm Syndrome describes a situation where someone falls in a semblance of dependence on an overbearing situation. The most famous example, also where the name comes from, is a crew of bank robbers enters their intended target. They are there for hours, while police and security arrives on location, but is not able to enter for fear of something happening to a hostage. Over the time that they are kept as prisoners, the hostages start to relate more and more to the insurgents plea. They become sympathetic, some even falling in love with their captures. When the event is finally quelled, police are forced to let the majority of criminals go because no one is willing to give any information to police that would harm their new obsession.

Why would no one be able to identify they are afflicted by Stockholm Syndrome if they are, indeed, in the throws of it? They, by definition, would be so embroiled in a kind of narrative where the person they love could do no wrong.The relationship is never described as symbiotic. There is always described a strong power imbalance that favours the target of “desire”. If someone realised that they were giving in to this kind of pseudo-machasistic machination, it would cause the illusion to falter. They would, by acknowledging this, be admitting that their “captor” is bad, therefore, accepting what everyone is trying to tell them.

If you suspect that someone is stuck in the middle of some sort of power vacuum, start interrogations by asking them their opinion first. Launching into why they should be more worried could just cause them to real back and ignore everything they are saying. No one likes being reminded that they are weak. However, if you voice it as noticing something off and highlighting the issue instead of condemning, you will probably have a better chance of cracking a fincade.

In a situation like this, be prepared to cause a chain reaction. Make sure that before you remove a brick, you can have things in place to save the person you are trying to help. There is always the chance that pointing out an issue will wake someone from not thinking things are that bad, to noticing how everything is horrible and they don’t know how to fix it. If you can put out a hand to assist, that could make everything clearer. Just keep yourself open, keep your thoughts pure, and make everything you say as truthful as possible.

Yes, I am aware that Stockholm Syndrome (as a term) has been discredited. I am using the term as a shorthand that a majority of people will understand.

this is normal

It turns out that epilepsy is linked to depression. I thought I was just feeling down because, even after seven years of dealing with it, I never quite got okay with being in the wheelchair. My mind also played with the idea that it is because I’m not playing on stage anymore: maybe it’s a kind of withdrawal?

No. As a friend of mine put it, “all this brain stuff effects depression”. See, she also suffers from epilepsy, and has for a very long time I asked her, flat out, if this is “normal” because I knew that, of anyone, she would know.

Actually, I told her my findings and asked her if she felt down and if she could link it to her depression. Well, I asked her all of that in a less rambly way.

I am not using this as a crutch.
I am not putting all past and future actions on this one fact.
I AM looking into it to explain some things I have said to myself. To come up with some sort of reason for things said that I normally would never dream of. This helps me understand and rationalize some of my less-desirable traits that have come to my attention as of late. Not excuse reactions away, but explain why I might say or do something completely out of character.

I feel like I have to express this the most public way I have available to me.

UNFORTUNATELY FOR YOU: that is a blog post.

My reading was from this site, and it really does explain epilepsy and depression in an easy-to-read way.