Patreon

It’s my anniversary today! I love you, Tash. Always will.

I try not to do posts like this too often, but I have to!

I do not have huge monthly expenses, but I have enough that life is a pain-in-the-ass at times. Cellphone alone costs just shy of 200$ a month, and that is ignoring medication, gas, car, utilities, etc. etc…

I am not asking one person to help me out exclusively, but just $1 a month from each follower on WordPress gives me another $100 on top of what is already being made.

I am beyond excited to be over $90. Tickled, even, and I feel I do not thank them enough. It definitely helped in renewing the subscription to the site, as well as the URL. That was a huge help in getting those mundane tasks complete.

Please, donate what you can. I try to keep on top of bonuses. I understand if I do not get anything from this plea. Please consider it!

Advertisements

#vss365

For starters, thanks for waiting. Between moving and changing auto-payments, I would have nothing to update about. Things are calming down a bit now, so: here I am!

I have been doing this thing every day over on my Twitter. It’s fun and challenging. I tend to use the prompts for morbid rambling which actually find an audience.

(An audience is something I rarely have.)

I am writing this after only completing four, but I will share all of what I have done at the end of the year.

Why the wait? I am lazy. I am too busy to figure out a way to display them right now. I am moving. Pick an excuse, I promise that it’s right.

If you have a Twitter, you should follow me. I know that I have the widget thingy somewhere on this site, but I have not directed eyes that way. I don’t spam updates. It only gets updated (automatically) when I post something, and otherwise it’s when I think of something really witty and no one is around to hear.

Now, the update schedule includes these vss365 posts.

I need reasons to update my Twitter more. Using it as a play-by-play for my day sounds boring. Most updates would be “sitting in a wheelchair #relatable” or something like that. I treat my social media with a similar discretion that I do this site. I tend to only update with things that I think are “important” for people to read. On my FaceBook, I do post more about politics and religion with no assumption that anyone will take my opinion to heart. I also post a lot about the music I am currently digesting because that is something I, personally, find very important.

Speaking of which, do you remember Touché Amoré? I just gave their album “Parting the Sea Between Brightness and Me” another spin and I remember why I love this art. The most powerful lyrics I have heard in a very long time that any touring musician can relate to. Give it a listen, and bask in the bleak (yet strangely beautiful) portrait they paint.

[Something cool happened yesterday. More later]

~MOVED

As some of you may have read, I moved back to Cambridge, ON today. I am NOT excited for the move, but not for the reasons that some may have anticipated.

First, I am EXCITED to have all of my friends near by. I have missed you, and I am finally within a decent distance to most of you. In fact, I think there are only two that I am farther from, and only one that will actually feel the sting of my moving.

So, why am I not excited? I am 30, married, and had to move in with my parents to keep existing. I love my family, I really do, but it is embarassing to go almost three years on your own then throw in the towel because life “got too hard.”

ANYWHO, I am going to need the week to organize myself. I have a post going live on Sunday only because I wrote it a little while ago.

heh.. So much for taking the month off. I think I posted more that I have in months prior.

I Hope You Are Happy

Okay, you can relax. The updates are done for the year, and you don’t have to look at them again.

Well… unless you want to.

I, myself, have read them over several times already (writing this post on and after April 10) and will several times more to make sure they are right.

Again, the point of them is not to create animosity, to express how meaningless everything is, or to cause pandemonium, but to explore and accept just how amazing the time we have in this life is. I find great peace in knowing these facts do not just apply to me, but every single person on this planet.

One thing I will confess is that the one about how ‘no-one will remember you in two generations no matter what’ is a bit more definitive than I intended. Not to where it’s wrong, however. The internet has done a great job of making sure that everyone and everything will be remembered forever, just maybe not discussed at length anymore. As long as you have a social media account (somewhere), there is a mark that will be available for all time. I still get reminders on FaceBook of a couple of friends who passed away a few years ago whenever their birthdays come around. I am instantly reminded of any times I had with that person. I usually take a moment of silence to reflect on how they changed my life, regardless of how small or large the contribution to my personal narrative was.

On a sick side-note, I immortalized my own rebirth recently, just because I am considering it a very important event in my life. I do not know many people who got the privilege to tell everyone that they didn’t die. I cannot describe just how humbling, yet hilarious, that event was and still is. The importance is probably something I could never put to words. To be honest, the gravity of the situation as a whole was probably lost on me.

Off-topic, but I started a GoFundMe back in April. I have been in the same chair for five years as of July. I have learned a few things about what I want in a new chair and have been informed that I have to pony-up the money myself if I wish for something new/nice.
To be as clear as I can be, the money is for the wheelchair and for this website. Yes, the Patreon helps, but not everyone wants to give monthly. This is a great way to offer money once if you cannot afford monthly.

The goal is huge, but I hope we can achieve it together.

HUGE NEWS!
My wife and I are moving into my parents for a couple of months. I will mot be doing updates for the month of June while I organize parts of my life. Keep posted to the FaceBook page for when I come back. I will post there because I am like that. I’m sorry for the hiccup in my schedule, but I need to focus while life gets back to being sustainable.

My memory (and other rants)

I already forgot what this post is about.

GOODNIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

I play. I only pseudo know what I want to talk about.

Well, here we are! Less than a month off until I start posting mildly depressing things every week! I cannot explain how excited I am. It sounds dower, morose, and mildly strange; I am well aware. I just look forward to it because I get to express things that I think about all-too-often.

In fact, they are horrible (the things I think about), but I forget them as often as I think of them. Just today, I awoke with a great couple of facts in my head to save for next year. As I am writing this, I cannot remember them for the life of me. It’s not that I can’t think of a depressing fact, or two. It’s more the concept that I had a great couple of things to jot down, and they are gone!

How gone are they?!

FUCKING GONE! I need to remember (ironically) to keep a record of this stuff. The one thing that I am fighting with is the idea that I haven’t marked them with a warning. Not that I explicitly talk about suicide or death in a direct fashion, but such things are implied. The last thing I want to to ruin someone.

The rest of the post is just me fighting with the concept, so if you don’t care, you can stop reading.

As stated last week, the purpose is to give someone tools to deal with when life falls apart. So, from that standpoint, I want everyone to read what I have to share. Another part of me does not want to cause depression or anguish. I would argue that a larger part of me wants everyone to find the collection hilarious. My wife does not agree IN THE SLIGHTEST with my perspective. She thinks that I just see the bleak in the world, and fail to explore the brighter moments. I argue that I appreciate the brighter moments BECAUSE I explore the dark.

To travel through life just looking at the pretty things and choosing to ignore the dark gives me the impression that, after a while of doing so, you do not respect how great everything is. Acknowledging the dark and brutal times, even revelling in them, makes the good feel so much better. The trick is, one cannot get entrenched or drowned by the heavier moments, no matter how suffocating life can be.

Maybe that’s why I listen to what I do. Everything is bleak, until you do a little reading and realize that these artist and singers are living a decent life. We tend to fetishize the best parts of life in modern media and ignore the trouble and tribulations that led up to that point. We all know how that person got as huge as they did, but we rarely show the part where their marriage implodes, they file for bankruptcy, go hungry for a while, then catch a lucky wave of success.

Now, with that said, we all watch the train-wreck that ensues. I’m sure that every single person who bothered to get to this point in the rant can name at least one example of what I mean. Whether it be a physical and tangible tragedy, or a metal break. It’s made all the worst because we don’t have context. We just see this idyllic person, “Hero” if you will, become human. They become, SHOCK FACE, one of us. That must be horrible for them!

Now, there are examples where the fall isn’t jarring. There are examples where we hold people on high for what they overcame and continue to fight against. Those tales are not as wildly known, it feels.

…but hey! What do I know? I am just a guy on his keyboard ranting and raving: hoping that someone hears.

HELP THIS BITCH KEEP GOING!

I have started a GoFundMe to raise the money to keep this site alive and to buy a new wheelchair. The Government of Canada is a fickle bitch when it comes to funding for assitive devises, Basically, you need to have a chair so dilapidated that it barely works any longer. After five years of moving and learning, I need to get a new chair. I now have a better idea of what I want. Please consider giving a dollar. Patreon is for mostly monthly upkeep for day to day life where the GoFundMe is going to be just for the chair and this site.

New book idea

I have been working on a new project for a while now. I have a non-traditional idea for my next publication that would make everything more natural for me, but I am still unclear on how it’s going to scan.

I have an idea of compiling my short stories into a print function. I have a few dozen more that I didn’t publish on this site, and I have about a dozen or so that I am currently writing.

The really intriguing part for me will be how next month is received. The plan I have right now is to have a story, then put a fact instead of a title.

My end goal is 100,000 words, so at 1500 words a story, I will have to put almost 100 stories to print. Is that too much? Am I keeping things too short? Should I just stick to what I am doing?

To be clear, I am not going to be pulling the stories already published on this site. I also plan on releasing stories from time to time to keep both Patreons and the public happy. As far as depressing facts go, I can generate literally thousands of them.

I should probably explain why those are important. I think it is equal parts humbling and important to realize just how fragile life and happiness is. I feel it is important to normalize how hideous times can be as a kind of preparation for when (not if) things go sideways. Life is amazing. It can be equal parts beautiful and horrible, and at our darkest it can be next to impossible to see the light. The flip of that is that people tend to forget just how dark things can be, and they get stuck into the sludge when it comes to the forefront.

It’s an update!

Hi! Hello! I have news about things that are boring kind of but I will tell you anyway!

The first album by Livestalk & the Bodies is now one long YouTube video.

Depressed updates releases finally figured out! For the month of May, I will be posting those. I am also going to be tagging them in a way that will make them be easier to find.

I have started writing another book! I want to actually write something longer than I have in the past. I will keep you posted with updates.

Important Questions

I have started compiling my list for Depressing Updates.

Now, I ask if the masses would prefer these all in a week? Or should I post them as I do these updates?

I have come up with a few in just two or three hours of contemplating. (The world is funny)

I will be making a category link for these, and however I post them, I will be doing this nearly yearly.

Please help me in deciding how I should post these. Either leave a comment below, or reach out on one of my many social media platforms.

Art V. Depression

I got the privilege to see Amanda Palmer last night in Toronto. I was a huge fan of the Dresden Dolls years ago, and I have been intrigued by her solo work. It doesn’t help my fan-boying that her husband is Neil Gaiman, who has created some of my favourite worlds in modern fiction.

It was three hours of her telling anecdotes, smashing the keys on a piano, and strumming a ukulele. She explored her past, which included death, feminism, and abortions. It was so carnal, so brutal, so honest, I was enamoured by every word she spoke.

There was (several, but) one thing she said that has, and will always, stick with me. “You can be too depressed to create art.” Initially, I was offended by this notion. My initial reaction was one that I looked into my own artistic endevours and evaluate whether I was actually depressed, or just angry.

What I found at the end of my introspection was that I agreed with her statement, to a point. Depression is very deep. Not always, but it can result in exhaustion, and disasociation with reality. That explains why I have been having a difficult time writing over the last few years. I am nowhere near as angry as I was when I was a teen. Instead, I have been trying to harness my depression and translate that into anger.

My end point is that there will not be an update to asnP on May first. I have actually pulled out “this book doesn’t matter” and am trying to re-write most, if not all, of it. It was super short, and a few of my points were rushed. I hope to have everything done and better before the end of the year.

Explanation

I made my post last week kind of vauge and horribly daunting.

I am NOT giving up, I am just saying that I have to take more time to write updates to avoid ones like last week. They have gotten lazy and messy, and I am sorry about that. Between my wife and I being horribly sick, and our pug having SIX puppies, I am pulling out my hair and my updates have seemed less that genuine. I want to avoid that. I need to avoid that.

Something fun that I came up with over ten years ago! I used to do depressing status weeks on my Facebook. I think I am going to block a week off later this year and do an update everyday that week with the most depressing (yet hilarious) things that I can think of. Not sure when, and not sure if they will be full posts. I am positive that not everyone willl like them, and some may even be offended enough to leave. This will not change how much fun it would be!

OH! I am writing this on the 14th. Happy PI Day!