You’re Not Dead [NEW PRESS]

As mentioned in my last PodCast, I am re-issuing You’re Not Dead through Olympia Publishing in the next little bit. I have the mock-up for the cover. I am super excited, and I am going to share it with you now.

AS A HEADS-UP:
It is not the final. When I get the final, I will share that. Until then, please enjoy!

Assumptions

This post might seem like I’m just bitching…

The issue I have been noticing with being disabled is that people expect you to have some sort of grand insight into what social issues there are with being disabled. I have noticed myself being hindered by the idea where not everything I write or vlog about is in relation to me being in a wheelchair, so this post is to people who are in that camp.

The irony of feeling I should be discussing disability issues is the deafness and tragic comedy of the situation.

Okay, that sounds incredibly selfish, so please allow me to put it another way.

I spent 24 years of my life not disabled. I got the meningitis vaccine in high school, and got meningitis anyway. It induced encephalitis, and now I am in a wheelchair and suffer from epilepsy. So, when I start to complain about how “hard life is”, I feel disingenuous. I feel like I am just complaining because my life has hit a road block, and I am worried that my “plight” will take attention away from more important issues. I also feel as though I am far from qualified enough to talk on the social and economic issues at hand.

When someone says that they will not follow or promote my work because it’s not focused enough on disability issues, this is why I find my respect for that person start to drop.

I have lived a great portion of my life under the assumption that I should not let my shortfalls hold me back, and now that I am in a place where my shortfalls have a greater impact, I still hold that advise to a higher regard. Possibly, a higher regard than I should.

My point simply being: if I have a “hot-take” on some social or political issue, I will probably write about it. If I don’t, it either doesn’t impact me or I don’t want to give wrong information. If I am NOT focused enough on things you feel I should be, don’t read my blog. That simple.

A Dilemma

I want to talk about the book idea I just had, but is that even a good idea? It is rather cerebral, and there is a good chance that I am nowhere near smart enough to make it happen. Hell, I have little more than a concept, at this point.

I have talked to family about the idea. One thought it sounded like an interesting concept, but did not elaborate. One thought it would make an interesting screenplay, but could not see it working as a novel. I get that take more than most: I write a lot of ideas out that would make great screenplays but fall short as novels. Maybe I should write a movie? Do I really want to enter that world right now?

That is part of the reason I haven’t been writing here so much in recent times. Between that new concept, and two books that I have been working on for a bit, I am mildly distracted.

What I would like to remind people is that Canada is coming up to an election. I implore you to vote for YOUR interests, and not just tow a family line on principle alone. I am going to have to vote strategically for the first time in my adult life, and I am far from a fan. I want to vote NDP (you know: one of the five major parties of Canada. We do have more than two.), but to keep out the party that would damage my way of life the most, I will have to vote Liberal.

The Worst.

Well, FUCK ME I GUESS! I have not been writing, like, at all. Whether here, books, other sites, NO WHERE.

I am sorry. I do not have a solid excuse, at least not one I want to share right now, but I will correct it.

I promise.

Seriously!

Stop laughing.

You’re Special.

So, it has been far too long since my last update.

I have been ruminating on what I want to write about, new podcasts to record, and dealing with this Hellscape I call life.

Hellscape is probably a bit extreme.

I am just trying to illustrate that I am in another point of flux. So many fantastic things on the horizon, and so many horrible and abusive things until then.

Did you watch my last PodCast? It was to you, so I hope you did. I also spend a very long time scripting it out, considering how short it was.

I have an idea for my next one. My plan is to have it recorded, cut, and published by the eleventh. That would mark one year of me doing that whole thing.

My plan was to examine how society is ableist, but the reading and research is far too much for me to get it done before I want to have the recording done. Instead, I think I will do an opinion piece on similar things, but illustrating how single-serving stores and businesses are in regards to accessibility. That way, the reading is minimal, because I am actually an idiot with too much time on their hands.

Oh, please subscribe to the page if you find this at all interesting. I have heard from a Patreon individual that I don’t give enough updates on there, and they fail to see the point of being subscribed. The Patreon is just a way for me to supplement the costs in relation to keeping this site up-and-running. I know I don’t push it, pretty well at all. I know I don’t pay enough attention over there, and that is something I am hoping to rectify soon. I am completely going by the seat of my pants on all this writing and online marketing BS. I am sorry.

whoops

I need to finish what I start. I have started 3 books this year, and completely abandoned them a few week into writing them!

I do intend to finish roughly two of them. The one is a kind of description of the best relationship I have had in my life, and the other I just started, and is an interview. That’s all the information you are getting about either.

I find myself wondering if it is a good thing or not that I give myself so many projects at once. A part of me is proud that I have three books on the go that all show promise, another part of me is embarrassed and concerned that I am going to only put a third of myself into them.

On that note, I am not going to release any of them unless I am extremely proud of the outcome. It might take a year, or two, but I promise that I will not allow anything half-assed to be released under my name. I actually have two books of short stories complete. I’m soft shopping those around to agents. If you are an agent, and are curious, let me know somehow. Comments are a good place to start.

I need to be sad.

I wanted to write a very long, and important, post today. I got about half way through when I realized something: it was missing the bite that I had envisioned in my head.

I had this whole monologue about the importance of feeling important. I had a conversation with someone who said that I made them feel like I was the only person who cared most days, and I thought that I was just having a nice conversation with them. I am not a great person, but in that moment, I was the best person they had ever met.

The post I had envisioned was self deprecating, biting, and funny. I had this whole bit about how amazing you are, and how everyone should be treating everyone how they should be treated, not just how they think that they should be treated. I had this concept on how I wanted to show how you should be treated. I had diagrams and pictures and ideas for an interview and…

THEN I WOKE UP AND HAD A GOOD CONVERSATION.

It turns out that I need to be not happy to write anything good. NOT DEPRESSED, but not happy. When I’m not happy, I am willing to be a little darker. I find myself funnier, or failing humour, more interesting. When I am depressed, I’m just a fucking mess, but not happy: it’s more fun to read!

At least, that’s the way I look at my stuff. I have reread stuff that I have written when happy, and I hate all of it. Even when I’m in the same mental state I was in when it was written, I find it boring and uninspired. Even this post I find scattered and annoying.

Maybe I’m manic? I shouldn’t self diagnose. I read far to into different quirks and states of mind when I do that. It’s almost like I become a mental hypochondriac when looking into mental health stuff.

PushingUpRoses did a fantastic video on youtube talking about BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder). The video is great. My stupid brain was all “I HAVE THAT” until I remembered that I don’t. I know I have friends who have a variation of BDD, and they should really watch that video. Actually, I think anyone who has any interest in mental health should really look into that video. Especially if you think you know everything about mental health, watch that I remember that you know nothing.

For example, I know enough about mental health to admit that I know absolutely nothing, and I think that is a good thing to admit.