oh hai thurr

This is kind of a long overdue introduction to me, because I am an arrogant person who seems to write far too much about myself.

I was born in London, Ontario. Lived in Ingersoll for a number of years. Moved to Cambridge for 20 years starting about the age of 6. I went through elementary school and had little to speak of, as far as doing anything too noteworthy. High school is when things got kind of neat!

I started my own record label when I was 15. It was right after recording my first demo with my first band and I felt that it gave us some credibility. It did not, but I felt special anyway. That was All Cut Up. I was with that band from 2005 to 2009. Over that stretch, I helped in the writing and recording of 4 sessions, including 3 EPs and a full length album. We disbanded, and I joined The Twin (who kind of tricked me). I was supposed to just be doing studio sessions while they figured out the first album. They told me that they were looking for another member. About two months into playing with them, they informed me that I was always intended to be their full drummer.

Three EPs and a few hundred shows later, that chapter closed because I had started to join Chance Procedures. It was just me and two others doing instrumental tracks that carried the burden of keeping attention with nothing but fantastic hooks.

From 2007 onward, I was working at a used record shop. I loved my job, and it exposed me to literal months worth of music that I still love today. I was hired part-time, but slowly I moved my way to being the manager of the Cambridge location.

One night, my parents were concerned about the way I was acting and took me to a hospital. I died two times in the following two weeks. I was in a coma for just shy of a month, and I don’t actually have memories from the middle of Octobre 2013 to February 2014.

I was quadriplegic for the next six months. I moved from Toronto, to Cambridge, to Hamilton. All of those hospitals and no exact diagnosis. I regained movement of my arms shortly after I entered Hamilton, and I was finally able to announce my continued existence to the world.

Since I can no longer play the drums like I used to, I started writing to express myself in some way. I now have a book out (3rd edition not released at the time of writing) and another on the way. I know I glazed over several interesting steps, but I assure you, my book goes further into detail about what I went through.

Any additional questions? Leave a comment somewhere! I’ll do my best to answer!

Overwhelmed

Hi!

I’ve been horrible. I haven’t done an update worth anyone’s time on any public forum. Not that I haven’t tried, but simply because everything I have done, as of late, has turned out poorly.

This is the fourth or fifth time trying to write this blog, and I have written several about other topics that I have scrapped. I have recorded a new vlog/podcast a few times, and get so frustrated in the editing phase that I scrap them completely. Even Facebook and Twitter posts are deleted before they are posted, for no reason outside of vanity.

I think part of the issue, but not the whole issue, is that I am in flux again. I am sitting on my hands waiting for my novella to go to print. I have three books on the go, only one is at any point of finality, and it’s still not long or good enough.

I wonder if I am being too hard on myself, or if I just need a month where I actually get some time off. I can hear it now: YoU aRe UnEmPlOyEd!

To fight that point, I am working on three books, pencilling out a new vlog/podcast, and I am trying to keep coming up with new blog posts. So, yes, a month off of everything would be nice.

None of this includes the stress of the day-to-day, which is more annoying than anything. I have some reasons to think that I am only a month off of better and more stable things. I won’t get into all of that yet.

The end point is that I need some support. Emotionally would be great, but I would also like to hit 300 followers. Consider donating to my Patreon so I can keep progressing this site, and maybe look into something else cool. The next book I am for sure releasing is almost written: I am doing my reading of it to look for structure issues. If you would like to be included in the substance editing, let me know somehow.

I haven’t recorded it in a while, so I’ll say it here.

I love you.

Classic Album Review :: Tears for Fears — Sowing the Seeds of Love

Hey! I’m actually doing an album that I consider a classic from the perspective that it came out around when I was born!

I have grown up in a household where this album reigned supreme. I have still yet to find a collection as varied as this album can be. It’s like a strange combination of pop, jazz, and electronica. Even other albums that this band released never touched just how eclectic this track list can be.

I am very proud to state this is my favourite release by TfF, though I am expecting some flack for not saying “Songs from the Big Chair”. The main reason that I place this higher on the admiration scale is because this album feels more mature: almost like it just wants to be whatever it can. The best example I can offer to better define what I am trying to say is the song “Badman Song“, which still has one of my favourite opening drumlines over 30 years later.

Know what? Just some of the best composition ever throughout the whole song. Bass and drums. Fight me.

Playlist of all the songs.

Thanks, 2020

This might be a hot take, but I am actually retroactively happy about 2020 happening. Did it mark the beginning of a horrible existence: yes. Did we lose some amazing personalities? Also, yes.

The good came from the realization that things could not continue to work the way they have been. People, en masse, took notice at how broken the money markets were. For the first time, it was acknowledged that people in retail positions had incredible power. We saw art, redefined art, and witnessed people doing things to make the world better. We actually started to hear people talking about those in less affluent positions and discussing ways to make their lives better. We had some governments actually take notice of environmental issues, science made incredible strides, and discoveries that, granted, had to be made were made in record time.

It brought light to the horrible mindsets of people we have had in our lives for years, for better or for worse. Yes, it was terrible you lost that close friend you have had for decades. At the same time, you watched them get torn asunder because of thoughts and views that you had always questioned.

Yes, 2020 was horrible for a lot of reasons. Yes, that year was the worst, globally, in a century. We are still feeling the effects to this day, and we probably will for years to come. So many of the changes to come out of this hell, however, have made things better for everyone. I just wish it didn’t take the “end of the world” to make it all happen.

horror

I have been trying to avoid revealing my writing style for the past number of years — in part, because I try to do everything. Yes, I do see how that is bad for me. It is impossible to write without taking tone into account.

The other day, I tried my hand at horror writing. It was far from conventional, and yet was the interest was the same as prior things I have written. The one positinve for Twitter that I can find is instant gratification for projects, even if the word count is very small.

Realizing that I enjoyed the freedom of classifying something as horror but still getting to explore the topics that I enjoy demonstrated to me that my organic style was closer to horror than most other themes and topics. I don’t mean the classic “oh shit the killer is going to kill me” style, but more the marriage of psycological discomfort mixed with unhappy endings.

Yes, it could be argued that I have given myself a distorted label of horror. Yes, applying one genre to myself is a bit constrictive. I have gone a very long time writing, trying to stay in this grey area of not being classified. Once I noticed that I use horror elements and bleak descriptions and allowed myself to lean into that field, it was more relaxing than constricting.

When I call myself a “horror writer”, please realize that I am taking it more from a Lovecraft angle than a Steven King one. I am exploring sadness, rather than a carnel expression of fear and anguish.

This is a strange post, objectively. I think that the best way to explain it for everyone is the idea that I tried, for years, to fit into a small sized shirt. I finally accepted that I am a medium, and now everything is very exciting for me. I even looked at a project I started just shy of a year ago that was completely NOT something I would normally write, and changes that I have to make are minimal.

Going forward, know that my books are supposed to make you uncomfortable. I am going to be writing books to highlight just how dark somethings can be. I want to make the turning of a page only possible though the idea of morbid curiosity.

Let’s Go Shopping

I found myself trying to figure out the perfect question to ask someone to measure the level of their compassion. Unable to find the imagination to come up with something original, I started dwelling on the old situation.

You go shopping at a 24 hour grocery store. Other than one or two people inside, the property is empty. At the end of your haul, you enter the vacant parking lot. After you put your score inside your car, you look down at the empty grocery cart. Do you put it in the correct place for the employee who will have to take care of it in the morning, or do you leave it in the parking space next to you?
REMINDER: No one sees you. You used the self checkout, and you did not speak to another employee while you were inside. Minus you, no one knows that you are even there.

Then, because my mind is broken, I extrapolated on that.

Mostly the same situation, but there is one other person in the lot. They leave their cart. Do you take that as permission to leave yours, put your cart in the proper spot, or put yours AND theirs away?

Final thing I thought of: the same situation as step two, but the port is about half full and a fair distance from where you are.

There were more situation I got ruminating on, but those were 3 of the 4 main ones. The only other question I will leave you with: would you tell anyone about what you chose?

I’ll leave you to decide if you need to leave a comment. I can promise that I will answer, but I will never say what I choose. I also would not judge you if you decide to leave a comment.

It’s okay

There seems to be an ephasis to feel fantastic all the time, so please allow me to state why that is not a great thing.

To clarify: you should not live in a constant state of depression. To assume that you are broken because you are having an off-day is wrong, though. You need peeks and valleys in your adventure through life.

The way I look at it is that you need a 1 out of 10 day to make the 7 actually matter. If every day is a 7, it becomes a new 1. If the worst thing that has happened to you is you forgot to stop the toaster on time, then the suprising death of a friend is going to hit harder than it should. All of a sudden, that bad day is going to become the worst thing ever.

Again, living every day at a 1 is not great. You should talk to someone (whether it be a friend or a family member) if you cannot seem to shake a funk. However, if you fluctuate your emotions on a regular basis, I am under the impression that you are healthy.

No, I don’t have sources. I am not a professional on this topic, and I make no illusions that I am. I do think that being sad for a day or two is healthy. Getting unreasonably angry from time to time is normal. No one should ever live in a state of bliss all of the time. There have been many dystopian novels that emphasise that idea. Look at Brave New World, in particular, to see how such an existance could effect civilization.