New vlog!

I spoke about epilepsy. I cannot say, without doubt, that I know anything. I like to think parts of this are helpful, though!

More on Epilepsy

I don’t know why I research this topic. I am always overcome with a feeling of dread as I scroll through diagnoses and side-effects.

On that note: YAY LIVING IN CANADA AND HAVING PRIVILEGE!

ahem… I promise that I will not speak of privilege again.

The fact that Epilepsy is considered a disease according to the WHO is strange. It makes sense when you consider that some epileptics get a viral infection that readjusts the chemistry of the brain. Everyone I have met with epilepsy, however, has had physical brain damage. Maybe it’s just me, but calling that a disease is like saying someone with an amputation has a disease. Disease, to me, is acute.

So, as I was writing the “disease is acute” line, I started trying to define ‘acute’ in my head. Part of me doing that was identifying an acute disease. I noticed quickly how my definition was crap, but I still stand by my statement that epilepsy should be viewed less as a disease and more of a physical impairment.

I’m on a fucking role, I NOW HATE THE TERM PHYSICAL IMPAIRMENT.

You know what I’m getting at.

Anyway, The thing that I really wanted to point out is that epilepsy goes hand-in-hand with a plethora of mental disabilities, including depression and anxiety. I know that I have noticed an uptick in depressive episodes since my first diagnosed seizure. I am using that as a marker because that is when I started tracking. I’m not saying that is when my depression set in, and I am well aware that I might just be depressed because I’m looking for signs of depression.

My point that I was trying to get to, is that over 50 million people worldwide suffer from some form of epilepsy. The article I was reading pointed out how 70% of people cannot get treatment, but I choose to look at the fact that only 30% of people have access to treatment. I, myself, have gone a very long time without a conscious seizure, probably due to the medications that I am on. I don’t even take the largest dose, and I have gone two consecutive days not taking it because I’m an idiot and forgot.

Nocturnal Seizures

I have to state on the offset that my experience in this is nothing shy of that; my experience. I do not speak for the whole of the seizure “community”, or whatever people who experience seizures go by. I am not a medical expert, and I am simply expressing my experience in regards to the topics that I present in this.

I had a seizure in my sleep last night. I was sleeping, so there are no marks or injuries to share.

“In lieu of physical representation, how am I sure that I suffered an episode?” I hear no one asking. That is a fair question. Without seeing something, how could I be sure that I had a seizure?

When I have a seizure, which is a word that I have never used so many times in a row, my extremities feel heavy. It almost feels like I have a 10kg (~20lbs) weight attached to them. That is how I know that I had a seizure last night: I am sore. I feel like I lifted something way too heavy. My emotions are all messed up thanks to all the chemical fluctuations that I experienced.

With all of that, what can be done for negating seizures at night? From what I have read, which admittedly is probably not enough, there is nothing to do. A large part of the process is management. Someone recommended me CBD, which is not a horrible call. Unfortunately, I have tried CBD. I probably did the process wrong, if you can do that process wrong. From my reading, it does great for preventing chemical seizures, but mine are structural.

WATCH THIS VIDEO.
It debunks a plethora of myths around what to do if you see someone having a seizure. In my research, I have read that epilepsy is far more common than I initially thought. So, watch that, and don’t ruin someone’s day from your ignorance.

/hides soapbox under some stairs

Off to the races…!

I have a plan for seven books.

I have one written so far, so it is much less daunting than it sounds. It’s a kind of series that I have in mind. I say “a kind of series” because they aren’t related so much in content or word, but they do share a grounding.

No, I am not going to tell you what it is. I am still sure I can actually do what I have planned, but I know that I cannot without backing from a major publisher.

I would be hiding the fact that this is a bit of marketing on my end. I hope that a literary agent will find my body of work more appealing if I had a promise of more to come and an extended universe that I hope to build.

The main take-away you should get from this post is that I am working on something huge and I am VERY excited to share it with all of you.

Hopefully, I can do that soon.

Read me

Hi! I haven’t updated in forever, and I’m sorry for that! I think. I’m never sure if silence is prefered over waffling for lines and lines, so I just keep myself quiet when I don’t have something pertinent to share.

I’m kind of going against that point this time, however. Simply because a long block of silence is something I try to avoid.

I have been writing a tonne of fiction again. Nothing I feel is worth sharing, for the most part. I have been shopping around a new book, and I guess that is something I should speak about. I just get mildly weary about posting such things. I’m never sure if I should announce such things when there is little-to-nothing to announce on the topic.

On that note, is it normal to get excited over a rejection letter?

It wasn’t a condemnation on my writing, the person was just stating how it was not their forté, and so they didn’t think they could do it justice.

There is this awkward period between submitting a work for representation and response. I get it completely, but because I hit a button and send the email, I am stuck wondering if they have even looked at it. What was nice about the rejection I did get was that I received the “hells no” within the hour I sent it off. I do not pretend to think that’s normal; but it was nice, regardless. I didn’t have to hit refresh on my emails 1230239512305 times an hour for a response that may never come my way.

Oh: I have written a new book. I should have lead with that point. I didn’t share any of the text because of one of the few conversations I had with a professional mentioned that any publication aside from with a major publisher could be a negative on going forward. So, that’s a thing.

My buddy Johnny released his 5 recommendations for amater writers. I agree with his statements, and I have ideas on how I could expand them. Alas: that was his project. I will leave it alone with nothing more than a link to his Instagram. He publishes fantastic poems whenever he feels confident in the product, and I really like what he has released so far. Please, show him some love. Bonus points if you let him know that I sent you.

Naked ‘n’ Exposed

I have been spending a majority of my morning applying, again, to Literary Agents.

It is a very small niche in the greater “agent” circle. I have more connection with reps in the music industry which, most of my musician friends will point out, are impossible to get contact with. Yet, somehow, I have steady (if not friendly) contact with at least 6 or 7 A&R reps. but no Literary Agents.

Also, interesting to probably only me: most Literary Agents are much older. That is not a bad thing, but it does speak to how difficult that world is to survive in. I have lost the video to time, but I watched this “day-in-the-life”-eque video. Apparently, or in this case anyway, Literary Agents make roughly 10% signing bonus for every successful sales pitch they make to a publisher? I found that incredibly humbling, and it also explained better in one stat why there are not more agents out there. There is no bloody money in it, and one agent could be stuck reading for days to just decide that person is not worth pursuing.

I’m already jaded due to years in the music industry to the idea of middle-men. Positions that simply exist to funnel the masses away from the big-wigs to “save time”. I understand the allure, but this kind of structure leads to nepotism and gatekeeping in the worst way.

I am starting to see the appeal in Vanity labels. If I was not so horrible at marketing, I would stay independent.

The ironic thing is that this post is me admitting that I need help looking for a literary agent. I mostly want to talk, but I can bring great things to the table!*

*might be a collection of uncooked meat.

this is about you

Fact: I rarely post anything with any thought of anyone.

If you are offended by what I post, ask yourself: does it attack me directly?

The answer universally is: NOT INTENTIONALLY.

I try, not always successfully, to post completely objective truths or very personal ideas. I am NOT trying to offend you. If you are offended by what gets posted, ask yourself ‘why?’ before jumping in and claiming I, or anyone else, is wrong. You might be exactly the person being attacked, but there may also be a good reason for it.

The other day, I reposted from an external source that Jesus was not white, and was anti-establishment. These are facts. However, a person jumped in saying refuting these facts, pointing to his church and the great charitable works they do.

NOT ONCE DID I SAY THAT EVERY CHRISTIAN CHURCH IS WRONG.

I just pushed along the facts that the Christian church has a shady past, and some people in the church needed a reminder that Jesus could NOT be a white man living in the Middle East in the time period being discussed in the Bible. His attacks on the regime in place are what made the Christian faith so important in history. Not once did I say that you are a bad person for not remembering that, I merely brought it up as something to be remembered.

The fact that I need to remind people that not everything posted online is an attack on them is, at this point, rather embarrassing. We have been living in an internet based world for over 20 years. Actually, depending on who you are and what capacity technology plays in your life, it could be argued that it has been closer to 50 years of internet borderline dependency. At this point, it shows your personal character if you think every opinion and statement is geared directly towards you

Does this post not contradict this point? Well, very astute, but the difference between what I am talking about and what happened is that the statements provided above are general. These are “facts” that apply to a broad audience, and really are not all that offensive. The affronted individual decided to attack me, personally, as if I was attacking him directly.

“Do not feed the trolls!” I hear the masses scream.

I removed him from personal lists, which I am confused how he got on in the first place. I can almost promise you that he does not read this site, as well. To attack him anonymously on the internet may seem petty, but I will not post his name. I deleted his public comments so no one can point him towards this. I have done everything in my power to make sure that he remains in ignorance of this, and I feel as though he needs to read this, anyway. To remind him that opinions on the internet are not usually meant to attack or hurt one person specifically, or divide anyone.

We live in a troubling time. The left-minded see an attempt at a rise in Fascism in one of the most powerful countries in the world right now. The right-minded are trying to embolden their way of thinking without having an oranged-faced oompa-loompa dictate how they are perceived. We are seeing bully-tactics being okay’d throughout the political sphere in Canada, which cheapens any sort of advancement. All of this on top of a global pandemic that, as a global population, were woefully unprepared for, even though there have been warning by scientists for years.

I get it; we are hurting. All of us need compassion and love instead of snarky comments and GIF depicting our beliefs, either spiritually or politically, are wrong. Personally, I would love nothing more than a hug most days.

We have to remember that soon, maybe even tomorrow, all will be better. No, nothing will 100% return to normal, but it will be better.

I love you.

Except you, Phil. You’re a dick.

see you in prison.

I am filled with glee.

For those who were living under a rock for the last almost-year, Derek Chauvin killed George Floyd during an arrest. I am not qualified to go into details, I recommend reading them yourself if you wish for details.

The short answer to the result was that he was found guilty of all three charges levied against him, including a level of murder. His trial went on longer than I personally think it should have since there was video footage of the event, plus a fair number of eye witnesses.

I have seen a number of people point out how this does not solve racism in the police force, and they are right. This is just one victory that needed to be made out of hundreds that occur each day. One victory in one country, and it is against one man. The whole system in every country needs to be reformed. Racism is only one part of a pie that was cut into very thin slices, and every -ism needs to be corrected.

The one bit that I personally have not seen acknowledged is how this is still a victory, and nothing can change that.

I am saying that as a white man from Canada, so you should take my opinion with a grain of salt. I am disabled, but my plight is more with society as a whole. I will say that a motion towards an and to racism is step to help all minority populations around the world.

Racism continues to be an issue in most countries. Homophobia and transphobia continues to be an issue in almost all countries. Sexism continues to be an issue globally. Disability discrimination continues to be an issue globally.

However, we get to celebrate for the next little while that there is one victory for the black community.