Unnamed Podcast 34

I have stopped uploading the audio-only version of the vlog. I have been having a world of issue with Anchor, and it works in tandem with Spotify.

Overwhelmed

Hi!

I’ve been horrible. I haven’t done an update worth anyone’s time on any public forum. Not that I haven’t tried, but simply because everything I have done, as of late, has turned out poorly.

This is the fourth or fifth time trying to write this blog, and I have written several about other topics that I have scrapped. I have recorded a new vlog/podcast a few times, and get so frustrated in the editing phase that I scrap them completely. Even Facebook and Twitter posts are deleted before they are posted, for no reason outside of vanity.

I think part of the issue, but not the whole issue, is that I am in flux again. I am sitting on my hands waiting for my novella to go to print. I have three books on the go, only one is at any point of finality, and it’s still not long or good enough.

I wonder if I am being too hard on myself, or if I just need a month where I actually get some time off. I can hear it now: YoU aRe UnEmPlOyEd!

To fight that point, I am working on three books, pencilling out a new vlog/podcast, and I am trying to keep coming up with new blog posts. So, yes, a month off of everything would be nice.

None of this includes the stress of the day-to-day, which is more annoying than anything. I have some reasons to think that I am only a month off of better and more stable things. I won’t get into all of that yet.

The end point is that I need some support. Emotionally would be great, but I would also like to hit 300 followers. Consider donating to my Patreon so I can keep progressing this site, and maybe look into something else cool. The next book I am for sure releasing is almost written: I am doing my reading of it to look for structure issues. If you would like to be included in the substance editing, let me know somehow.

I haven’t recorded it in a while, so I’ll say it here.

I love you.

horror

I have been trying to avoid revealing my writing style for the past number of years — in part, because I try to do everything. Yes, I do see how that is bad for me. It is impossible to write without taking tone into account.

The other day, I tried my hand at horror writing. It was far from conventional, and yet was the interest was the same as prior things I have written. The one positinve for Twitter that I can find is instant gratification for projects, even if the word count is very small.

Realizing that I enjoyed the freedom of classifying something as horror but still getting to explore the topics that I enjoy demonstrated to me that my organic style was closer to horror than most other themes and topics. I don’t mean the classic “oh shit the killer is going to kill me” style, but more the marriage of psycological discomfort mixed with unhappy endings.

Yes, it could be argued that I have given myself a distorted label of horror. Yes, applying one genre to myself is a bit constrictive. I have gone a very long time writing, trying to stay in this grey area of not being classified. Once I noticed that I use horror elements and bleak descriptions and allowed myself to lean into that field, it was more relaxing than constricting.

When I call myself a “horror writer”, please realize that I am taking it more from a Lovecraft angle than a Steven King one. I am exploring sadness, rather than a carnel expression of fear and anguish.

This is a strange post, objectively. I think that the best way to explain it for everyone is the idea that I tried, for years, to fit into a small sized shirt. I finally accepted that I am a medium, and now everything is very exciting for me. I even looked at a project I started just shy of a year ago that was completely NOT something I would normally write, and changes that I have to make are minimal.

Going forward, know that my books are supposed to make you uncomfortable. I am going to be writing books to highlight just how dark somethings can be. I want to make the turning of a page only possible though the idea of morbid curiosity.

I need to stop…

…saying that I *WILL* achieve something by an end to the year.

I have been writing a new book since May. It’s going well, and (though very different for me) I like it a lot. I promised a few posts ago (I’m not going to link it because I don’t care) that I will have draft one finished this year. Though I have made great strides, I am nowhere near a completion. I have written about 40,000 words so far, but I think I have only 1/3 of what I want to have for the finished product. 

Oh! Fun little distraction! I came across a couple of older works that are 90% complete as a collection of short stories! So, I think I’m going to fall into that world. The contract I signed with Olympia when I got picked up by them dictates that I have to give them my second work to appraisal. I think I want to keep the one I am working on, make it perfect, and have the freedom to go somewhere else. The last thing I want to do is to get something that is amazing locked into a place where I think it is being stifled. 

Naked ‘n’ Exposed

I have been spending a majority of my morning applying, again, to Literary Agents.

It is a very small niche in the greater “agent” circle. I have more connection with reps in the music industry which, most of my musician friends will point out, are impossible to get contact with. Yet, somehow, I have steady (if not friendly) contact with at least 6 or 7 A&R reps. but no Literary Agents.

Also, interesting to probably only me: most Literary Agents are much older. That is not a bad thing, but it does speak to how difficult that world is to survive in. I have lost the video to time, but I watched this “day-in-the-life”-eque video. Apparently, or in this case anyway, Literary Agents make roughly 10% signing bonus for every successful sales pitch they make to a publisher? I found that incredibly humbling, and it also explained better in one stat why there are not more agents out there. There is no bloody money in it, and one agent could be stuck reading for days to just decide that person is not worth pursuing.

I’m already jaded due to years in the music industry to the idea of middle-men. Positions that simply exist to funnel the masses away from the big-wigs to “save time”. I understand the allure, but this kind of structure leads to nepotism and gatekeeping in the worst way.

I am starting to see the appeal in Vanity labels. If I was not so horrible at marketing, I would stay independent.

The ironic thing is that this post is me admitting that I need help looking for a literary agent. I mostly want to talk, but I can bring great things to the table!*

*might be a collection of uncooked meat.