i don’t want to human today

Oh, whoah as me. I am having a day already, and it’s not even noon here!

I should elaborate. Nothing has happened, and discussion that I have had so far, but my brain is not my friend right now. No reason in particular; that I can fathom, anyway. I think a big part of it is being overwhelmed by many little things.

The “biggest” thing I have on my plate right now is my new publisher is requesting a list of possible venues for a book tour. They haven’t given me a timeframe that they would like this for, but I have ideas for a multimedia thing. If they are interested in that idea, and once they give me a date to start, I can have the entire thing penciled out in a week. I have at least one artist interested in joining me, once I have more information. At the very least, it will pull some people out. I don’t think I am a big enough draw, myself, to go about this adventure solo.

Unfortunately, time will tell. It’s Saturday, so my enquiries will not be answered until Monday, at the earliest. I know this, and I need to calm down. I don’t even have more worries in regards to that to voice. The possibilities of it are racing through my mind at a lightning pace, and it will probably not even be this year.

There are other things weighing on me, like finishing the rough of the book I am currently working on. I have hit the 20000-word wall that I have hit at least three times before. I know that I can get past that point, but motivation is quickly drifting from my mind. I get so fixated on not wanting to write filler that I keep scrapping new ideas that are probably NOT shit, but I have convinced myself that they serve no purpose than just to pad soemthing. I want to keep my writing engaging. I want the reader to be entertained all the way through. I have read too many books where “chapter three” is just full of words and details for pointless things. Maybe I am just being overly harsh, and I need to just push through my insecurities and write.

It doesn’t help that I feel as though I have been neglecting this site as of late. I have been putting a lot more into my vlog lately. Simply because I feel like I can leave that as is, and only come back to a topic if someone voices an issue directly. No need to justify opinions for something like that because I know issues that could arrise are more valid. I can see what percent of people watch the full video versus this blog where the chance that someone cherry-picks issues without reading further to see if I answer is greater.

I hate the arts/I love the arts.

Also: I’m broke. Please consider supporting me on Patreon.

2020 in review

I am writing this restraining myself from just writing “HAHAHA YOU ARE ALMOST DONE” and leaving it at that.

In fact, I would argue that this year is one of the most important years in my life.

Yes, it was brought on by pain, but the BLM movement coupled with the worst pandemic in a very long time showed us the human strength. We saw an attempt of the rise of fascism* thwarted. We found a vaccine for the aforementioned pandemic developed in record times, though the long-term effects are still to be discovered.
*THIS IS MY OPINION

The main places that are going to be effected are the arts. There have been mass permanent closures of music venues, theaters are closing doors, and museums are vanishing (kind of). It is almost like an artistic reset. Some would argue that it was needed: the reset will force a change in industries that have dominated and destroyed avenues, resulting in a stifling of change. Most would agree that we will not see the change take hold until the future.

As of the time of writing this (December 17th), schools have been allowed to reopen in Ontario. I will not voice opinions on the matter: you can ask me directly on my FaceBook page if you are curious. Ontario has seen a spike in cases not seen since the first cases were identified on Western borders. Again, I will keep speculation out of this.

CyberPunk finally got released! I, personally, am not upset in regards to its performance on previous gen consoles, nor am I offended that we are still seeing issues almost a decade after its first announcement. The game is massive, complicated, and ground-breaking: issues should not be a surprise, and I have faith that CD Projekt Red will fix it eventually. Call me “the eternal optimist”, but fixing something as broken as it’s been reported would look amazing on them. Especially if they can do so without putting their employees through the dreaded “crunch” to complete it.

I did not explore many new releases this year, so I am not even going to pretend to do a rundown on new music that came out this year. I don’t even have a worthy opinion on new shows that came out, though I will probably release some sort of opinion regarding the new Archer season in the coming weeks.

Anyway, I will close with a “FUCK YOU, 2020!” because, even though I consider it a very important year, it still sucked. Here’s to the hope that 2021 is less abusive.

Little Lights

Maybe it’s the good news that I awoke to this morn (the news of the USA not electing a dangerous mind back to power), but I felt like highlighting some facts that aren’t cause for alarm.

How about the fact that there is a really low chance that anyone else is you? Even twins don’t share a personality, and that person who seems to think just like you has a few differences in something.

Even if you have been uncharacteristically brash over this uncertain period, people still love you. I would go so far as to say that most people understand a lower mood and shorter temper. Even depression and sadness does not retract from just how much you matter.

Weight gain and a diminish of muscle is okay. Gyms have been closed, or at least heavily restricting their patronage.

Weight loss is okay. Some people only eat properly in social situations, and though you should really eat something, you’re beautiful.

Though it feels like it, science is not going anywhere. There are near daily improvements on life, technology is getting better all the time, and space is being explored still everyday.

Music and the arts have taken a huge hit this year in the public space, but people are still creating amazing and beautiful things. If you feel like you have not heard anything new and amazing in a while, ask your friends. I promise that someone has found something fantastic.

It feels like mental illness is being talked about more now than it has ever. Yes, it feels like it is around every courner, but the truth is that it has always been there. We are finally noticing things that we have been ignoring for years, and that’s great!

I will end this collection on that point. The truth is that there are so many amazing things that can be experienced in this life, and you will never experience everything. I am trying not to dwell on what comes in the next month. The thought of tomorrow alone scares me to no end. I just have to remember these things, and I need you to remember these things.

As a final reminder — reach out to someone if you need to.