New PodCast Form

I was prompted by WordPress to start an Anchor account, so I did!

I like it. It’s fun to use, and rather painless! What’s really neet, they act as an RSS feed for several different ports.

So, this is going to be a link dump. Most of the major players are available, and if anything new comes up, I will be sure to post more links!

Anchor
Breaker
Google
Pocket Cast
RadioPublic
Spotify

I will be posting the Unnamed Podcast here daily, at least until it catches up. I will also be wrapping that one up in the next little bit, as I have started to script something new circling around music.

Normalize sadness

I posted a status on my Facebook that was a statement of fact. It was self-effacing, mildly depressing, but it was NOT a statement speaking of my mental placement at this moment.

The status was something to the idea that no one would notice if I died outside of me wishing them a happy birthday in my silly way that I do.

I didn’t pay much heed to the replies that I received outside of being touched. To be clear: I loved what everyone had to say. I love each and everyone of you.

It got me fixated on the fact that any negative statement results in people worrying if you are okay. The point of me doing the depressing update month is to bring light to that point. There are days where I, and I can only speak for me, find life too daunting to not say anything. Sometimes I feel like screaming into the abyss to NOT have it scream back.

Now, there are days where I want reassurance. I want to have people reach out and say something nice and to remind me that I am not alone in this horrible existence. It does not, necessarily mean that everything is too much that day. It might just be as simple as a lyric, or a quote taken way out of context.

Regardless, if you feel someone is posting about depressing things, don’t shame them for wanting attention. You don’t have to be the one to give it if you feel that it’s inappropriate. If you think that it’s completely unwarranted, ask before chastising.

Fun little thing about Facebook, in particular: you can unfollow someone without unfriending them. If you are offended by someone’s words, just do that. If you aren’t going to be nice, don’t be there at all. Don’t scream from the heavens that you don’t appreciate someone’s words, and don’t make them feel bad because there is a risk that it may be genuine. Yes, you might be a great friend. You might know that person is surrounded by fantastic people. You might even covet part of their existence.

Always remember: YOU AREN’T THAT PERSON.

They might be having a bad day that you know NOTHING about. They might be struggling with something that they don’t want to talk about. They might have undiagnosed or diagnosed depression and deal with everything in ways you cannot understand.

Just let them vent.
Let them be.
Be kind.

Not Inspired

I haven’t touched my latest book in over a week.

I get distracted easily. Between having to put my dog down yesterday (as of writing this), and the bullshit with American elections, I just have not been in the right headspace. I cannot even use current events in my writing.

Well, most current events, anyway.

It really does raise the question: how many words is enough? My ultimate goal is about one-hundred thousand. i am just over seventeen thousand right now, which is horrible seeing as I started writing a year ago. I have been kind of stuck on silly things. Things that I shouldn’t be stuck on, like fantastical concepts that have no place being based in reality.

For instance, my main character discovered a way of space-travel that is damn close to light speed. 99.9% to be exact. We only have reached speeds like that in theories, and we have not figured out a way to get a human to go anywhere near that. For some-fucking-reason, I am determined to have the science at least KIND OF work. I have been staring at the paragraphs (literal paragraphs. Like, maybe 4) determined to have the inspiration to figure this quandary out. Fuck the rest of the text, personal dilemmas faced by the main, or world building: I HAVE TO ANSWER THIS!

I don’t even know why I am allowing myself to be stuck on a point that I could gloss over. The point of the main character is that she is the only scientist alive who has even kind of solved the “dilemma” of overcoming the speed of light as a pace of travel. The crux of the text is actually a more philosophical aside from that idea.

With all of that said, I may be using that as an excuse to not write. Like I mentioned, I could gloss over the technical points. I have a tonne of writing that has to do with my main character getting to the point where her discovery even matters. I have little shame in admitting that the Presidential race of the USA, and subsequent lawsuits (regardless of barring on my immediate life), has been waying heavy on my everything.

Maybe, just maybe, next week will be better.

Accept Your Voice

This is something I am horrible at.

Realize that in your writing, whether the written word or audio, you have a voice. Escaping that void is possible, but you should not be ashamed if you cannot.

It was my pleasure recording with the ~4 bands I did. I may have had a drumming “style”, but I was never boxed in by the constant repetition of one writer. That is not a bad thing, but from a drummers perspective, it can be a bit hard to grow as an artist. The coolest dichotomy that I saw was Livestalk v ACU. It was the same writer, but he was not constrained by the “punk/metal” sound we cultivated in ACU. He had taken down all constraints and, therefore, was able to flex his creative sound.

That is not even delving into his creative contribution to Slender Loris. They will probably remain one of my favourite punk bands for the rest of my life.

Voice is more personal when it comes to writing. I have read back most of my works recently. I was taken back by how similar they all felt initially. It was not until I looked at them from objectively that I noticed how different they are.

You can be too close to appreciate the things you have done. When your style is a certain way, it is easy to write-off projects as “the same”, resulting in spiraling and not producing any further.

Accept that you may have a tone or “voice” in everything you do. It doesn’t make anything new too similar to what you did prior. Look at the narrative. There is a difference between those two projects, and a successful tone should not dissuade you from doing something.

Yes, it is possible to leave your comfort zone. It is possible to create works leaving behind atribute that you have relied on forever. It could be neat! This does NOT mean your old works are shit.

Don’t beat yourself up.
Don’t hate what you do if it brings you happiness today.

Old music V. New music

I am past the point of using music as a metric of age. What do I mean by that? Some of my favourite albums are over 20 years old, and “kids” no longer are interested in the bands I’m into. Therefore, music is not a metric that I can use to measure age.

It got me thinking: am I stuck in my comfort zone?

Is it bad that I listen to albums from the ’90s still, and appreciate them as if they came out yesterday?

A friend of mine showed me a new release today, and immediately I pointed out how the sound was early 2000’s emo. I loved every note played and was mostly correct on how the chord progression was going to go.

It got me questioning where I keep my mind, as far as the arts go. I started to worry if I was becoming one of those people who refused to keep up with modern trends in audio because I was convinced that it was done better in the past.

I did not stay on that thought long. I remembered that I appreciate new music, and my plethora of older influences shaped, not hindered, my appreciation for new things I found. I didn’t hold onto old sounds because I think they are better, I held onto them because I love them still.

Yes, some of the bands I enjoy are probably outdated. There probably someone else who has done, for example, Godspeed You! Black Emperor better since their magnum opus F# A# Infinity. Once I find it, I’m sure that I will binge it as much, if not more, than I do that album.

Anyway, my point is that holding onto old albums can be a good thing, as long as you aren’t closing your mind to experiencing new sounds. As I write this, I am listening to “…and You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead”‘s album Lost Songs, which was released in 2005. Part of me enjoys it as if it’s new. Part of me remembers that it is 15 years old, ignoring the fact that it is demos and unreleased songs that could be older.

Seriously, though: can we talk about how great F# A# Infinity is?

…like a pee.

I was talking to a friend of mine about how I was at an impasse in my book. I have been struggling with the idea of my main character being credited with creating a scientific discovery which has been a torn in the side of science for centuries. The character creates a way to move at near lightspeed. According to the science available now, the speeds she grants humans the ability to travel at is impossible.

The impasse comes at whether or not I pretend to explain it, using a mcguffin, or just leave it as a fact that she discovered this new thing and never even try to explain it. They are both easy to do, but the first creates new avenues that I can explore in the work, but also generates more work for me to explain, in universe, how that works.

The second feels like me admitting that I do not know how it could work. Though true, I am not sure how I feel about it. Maybe my huberus is taking hold, but there is also the feeling of leaving the rhamifications of such a discovery up to the imagination of the reader. I am not totally opposed to the idea, but I fear that it might create more questions than the reader would have otherwise.

Either way, my friends recommendation of just letting the story flow “like a pee” is not quite addressing the block that I am stuck behind. I agree that, a more conventional story, needs to have a little more of a natural progression behind it. In that case, his helpful insight may have helped a little more.

I am not saying that there is no appreciation in his statement. He at least tried his best to give me the advice that he thought I may have needed. Unfortunately, for me, it does not accelerate my process.

I lied.

Everything is a fiction. Every aspect of my life that I post on this site is nothing but an elaborate composition predicated on the fact that no one is around to prove otherwise.

To be completely candid, that is actually most of my life.

Now, that is not saying everything does not have a ring of truth behind it. Actually, I would argue that it is impossible to write from a place of complete ignorance.

TRICK TO ASPIREING WRITERS:

Write the truth, but change names. Make things as close to your reality as you can. Create a world that everyone believes might be their reality, and make the rug easy enough to pull. Leave it there until the end, or the middle, or just never pull it.

Why am I writing this? Why am I sharing the fact that everything I am is a fabrication?

I have been talking to a good friend of mine for the last couple of months regularly. I cannot tell them how I am, even in one-on-one chat. I cannot illuminate them to the fact that living with me is, not just impossible, but expensive if you want to try. I also have a grand narrative in my head that this matters at all: that this is actually something I have to nip in the head before it actually comes to chopping bock.

See? All of that was a lie. Was it, though?

To that question, I simply ask if you were entertained? Did you read that paragraph and find yourself invested in the narrative that I wove for the 3 or so lines? Did you actually forget that I am married?

Yeah, it probably wasn’t that good. In all actual honesty, I am kind of loosing my mind. I have been writing the same thing now 9 months. I have just over 10 000 words down, which is 10 times less than I want in the end. Now; what I have, I am very proud of. I have had things proof read by a few different people from all different walks of life. The input I have recieved has helped me craft a world that is almost believable. The wall I have hit is around the part that makes things sci-fi ajacent. How do you describle a concept that is literally impossible in the world of physics? And, to be clear, I don’t mean we haven’t achieved it yet impssible. I mean literally was-proven-impssible-by-Einstein impossible.

Anyway, my point is simply that I see my life as a narrative to be written. Some points embezzled, some points taken at face. I like to pretend that this is what keeps my writing interesting.

Hello, New Year

Hi, 2021.

I have little faith in you. 2020 was promised to be a fantastic year, and look how that turned out! I know that it is unfair to blame a man-constructed unit of time for all the failings that we experienced, but 2020 was kind of amazing. To do a rundown of all the not-goodness would take way too long, so I will just leave the note as “last year sucked” and move on from there.

Really, what we saw was mankind falling suddenly and harshly. Minus the earth quakes, everything can be easily traced back to something we did as a species. Even if it wasn’t species related directly, we saw large portions of our population for who they really are. It turns out that a large portion of us are racist, and even more are blind of fascism and hate.

There were some amazing things that came from the year, and they are easy to forget. We saw unprecedented speeds in developing a vaccine for the worst pandemic that we have seen since the Spanish Flu, though I am not saying their impact was one-for-one. We have done some amazing research into the things in our immediate biom, and continue to make massive leaps in space travel.

We have lost some amazing talent in the acting sphere. Some due to pandemic-related stuff, some not. We have seen a host of ironic deaths where the people were convinced (publicly, anyway) that they were invulnerable to the plague, then succumbed to its apathetic hands.

It is hard to do a retrospective on the year without spending a majority of time on COVID: it truly had defined the year. If it was a person, it would be very proud with the impact that it has garnered. It ALMOST over shadows the immensely important and (unfortunately, still) necessary message of black lives matter (BLM) that shook society to its core this year. We (whites) didn’t know that it needed to happen, but a large majority of us are so happy that it. brought so much to the forefront.

So, what should we expect from 2021? Are we going to be barraged by the same stuff, or will the next year actually be better?

I am taking a lesson from this year: next year will just be another in a long line of years. Do I think society will collapse, that we will finally see racial and sexual freedom on a grand scale, or environmental reform? I wish I could say we will. I do think some things will get better. I think we will start to see the impacts of the change that needed to happen. I think that the arts are fucked for the next few years, and I think the environment has passed the point-of-no-return.

Overall, I feel pretty uneasy. I would love to be proven wrong.

Please, let me be wrong.

2020 in review

I am writing this restraining myself from just writing “HAHAHA YOU ARE ALMOST DONE” and leaving it at that.

In fact, I would argue that this year is one of the most important years in my life.

Yes, it was brought on by pain, but the BLM movement coupled with the worst pandemic in a very long time showed us the human strength. We saw an attempt of the rise of fascism* thwarted. We found a vaccine for the aforementioned pandemic developed in record times, though the long-term effects are still to be discovered.
*THIS IS MY OPINION

The main places that are going to be effected are the arts. There have been mass permanent closures of music venues, theaters are closing doors, and museums are vanishing (kind of). It is almost like an artistic reset. Some would argue that it was needed: the reset will force a change in industries that have dominated and destroyed avenues, resulting in a stifling of change. Most would agree that we will not see the change take hold until the future.

As of the time of writing this (December 17th), schools have been allowed to reopen in Ontario. I will not voice opinions on the matter: you can ask me directly on my FaceBook page if you are curious. Ontario has seen a spike in cases not seen since the first cases were identified on Western borders. Again, I will keep speculation out of this.

CyberPunk finally got released! I, personally, am not upset in regards to its performance on previous gen consoles, nor am I offended that we are still seeing issues almost a decade after its first announcement. The game is massive, complicated, and ground-breaking: issues should not be a surprise, and I have faith that CD Projekt Red will fix it eventually. Call me “the eternal optimist”, but fixing something as broken as it’s been reported would look amazing on them. Especially if they can do so without putting their employees through the dreaded “crunch” to complete it.

I did not explore many new releases this year, so I am not even going to pretend to do a rundown on new music that came out this year. I don’t even have a worthy opinion on new shows that came out, though I will probably release some sort of opinion regarding the new Archer season in the coming weeks.

Anyway, I will close with a “FUCK YOU, 2020!” because, even though I consider it a very important year, it still sucked. Here’s to the hope that 2021 is less abusive.

Holy Something Inappropriate!

I actually hit the mark I wanted to hit!

I have 200 WordPress followers!

Yes: a good portion of those are probably bots or spam, I am well aware of that. Some of them are actual people! Some of them are fantastic people!

Some of them I should really converse more with; alas, I’m a shy bastard.

ANYWAY!

Thank you thank you thank you!!!