Overwhelmed

Hi!

I’ve been horrible. I haven’t done an update worth anyone’s time on any public forum. Not that I haven’t tried, but simply because everything I have done, as of late, has turned out poorly.

This is the fourth or fifth time trying to write this blog, and I have written several about other topics that I have scrapped. I have recorded a new vlog/podcast a few times, and get so frustrated in the editing phase that I scrap them completely. Even Facebook and Twitter posts are deleted before they are posted, for no reason outside of vanity.

I think part of the issue, but not the whole issue, is that I am in flux again. I am sitting on my hands waiting for my novella to go to print. I have three books on the go, only one is at any point of finality, and it’s still not long or good enough.

I wonder if I am being too hard on myself, or if I just need a month where I actually get some time off. I can hear it now: YoU aRe UnEmPlOyEd!

To fight that point, I am working on three books, pencilling out a new vlog/podcast, and I am trying to keep coming up with new blog posts. So, yes, a month off of everything would be nice.

None of this includes the stress of the day-to-day, which is more annoying than anything. I have some reasons to think that I am only a month off of better and more stable things. I won’t get into all of that yet.

The end point is that I need some support. Emotionally would be great, but I would also like to hit 300 followers. Consider donating to my Patreon so I can keep progressing this site, and maybe look into something else cool. The next book I am for sure releasing is almost written: I am doing my reading of it to look for structure issues. If you would like to be included in the substance editing, let me know somehow.

I haven’t recorded it in a while, so I’ll say it here.

I love you.

Short Video Notice

It is not even 30 seconds, but it serves as a notification that You’re Not Dead is being released soon. I have completed the editing, and changed some stuff around. If you are in a position where you manage distribution of text, let me know the places to get hold of you. I am kind of out of exact dates, but I assume that I will be getting the forms this coming week. Those forms will help me get my text out to the masses.

Also, if you use the YouTube subscribe aspect, I have been a little slow as of late getting new vlogs and whatnot done, but good weather is around the corner! I hope to increase releases in the next few months.

Editing is depressing

Yes, I love it when someone else edits my work. Yes, I love when someone tells me what I did wrong, and I love trying to fix things.

HOWEVER.

It will always be depressing when I get work back and see the edits in the triple-digits. Especially when most of the mistakes are stupid and seem like they are things I would NEVER do wrong. Examples are using the wrong “there/their”, switching affect and effect, and missing commas.

Yes, it was a “book” that I wrote in a week. Yes, it was under 500 edits in a manuscript that was well over 15000 words long. I mean, with all of these considerations, it is amazing that there were so few mistakes. Yet, I felt my soul cry a bit with every red-mark that I located.

On the plus side: only 3 comments were made towards content. They were good points, and my logic behind the mistakes was horribly flawed. The other saving grace was that I noticed the mistakes as soon as I read over the sentence. I cannot decide whether that is because I am a much better writer, or because I have no read the material for so long.

My eventual point is that, if you can, get someone else to edit your work. Especially because, in my case, over 50% of the mistakes were words spelt correctly, and the grammar was sound enough to be ignored by spellcheck.

I’m so bored.

Have you noticed the state of the world? It’s predictable. It’s repetitive. It’s predictable. Between the disregard for decency, the inaccurate comparisons to Nazi Germany, and whatever Russia is doing, I am beyond underwhelmed with the state of everything currently. Even music has done little new to blow my mind as of late.

I don’t pretend to have needed answers to all that ails the world. I don’t even have answers for what ails my immediate life. I am stuck in this state of being completely under, yet over, whelmed and angry.

Yes, angry. Not upset, not depressed, angry. I want to slap all the people that have opinions against their own interest. I am floored at the complete disregard for their own interests. Is that an arrogant position to have? Probably. Which compounds the level of anger that I feel.

I am not even going to list what’s wrong with everything right now. I’m too tired. I have to struggle to get out of bed recently, because I just can’t with this bullshit. Yes, part of it is that I don’t have all the sources to back my points up.

That’s another part that frustrates me to no end: the fact that I need to justify every point I make because, somehow, they are novel opinions to have. Even though we have done all, and I mean ALL, of this before.

That’s part of why I haven’t been writing here as much as of late. I mean, I have a new release coming in the next two months. One would be vindicated for assuming that I should have a bigger footprint.

I need to stop…

…saying that I *WILL* achieve something by an end to the year.

I have been writing a new book since May. It’s going well, and (though very different for me) I like it a lot. I promised a few posts ago (I’m not going to link it because I don’t care) that I will have draft one finished this year. Though I have made great strides, I am nowhere near a completion. I have written about 40,000 words so far, but I think I have only 1/3 of what I want to have for the finished product. 

Oh! Fun little distraction! I came across a couple of older works that are 90% complete as a collection of short stories! So, I think I’m going to fall into that world. The contract I signed with Olympia when I got picked up by them dictates that I have to give them my second work to appraisal. I think I want to keep the one I am working on, make it perfect, and have the freedom to go somewhere else. The last thing I want to do is to get something that is amazing locked into a place where I think it is being stifled. 

A Dilemma

I want to talk about the book idea I just had, but is that even a good idea? It is rather cerebral, and there is a good chance that I am nowhere near smart enough to make it happen. Hell, I have little more than a concept, at this point.

I have talked to family about the idea. One thought it sounded like an interesting concept, but did not elaborate. One thought it would make an interesting screenplay, but could not see it working as a novel. I get that take more than most: I write a lot of ideas out that would make great screenplays but fall short as novels. Maybe I should write a movie? Do I really want to enter that world right now?

That is part of the reason I haven’t been writing here so much in recent times. Between that new concept, and two books that I have been working on for a bit, I am mildly distracted.

What I would like to remind people is that Canada is coming up to an election. I implore you to vote for YOUR interests, and not just tow a family line on principle alone. I am going to have to vote strategically for the first time in my adult life, and I am far from a fan. I want to vote NDP (you know: one of the five major parties of Canada. We do have more than two.), but to keep out the party that would damage my way of life the most, I will have to vote Liberal.

Off to the races…!

I have a plan for seven books.

I have one written so far, so it is much less daunting than it sounds. It’s a kind of series that I have in mind. I say “a kind of series” because they aren’t related so much in content or word, but they do share a grounding.

No, I am not going to tell you what it is. I am still sure I can actually do what I have planned, but I know that I cannot without backing from a major publisher.

I would be hiding the fact that this is a bit of marketing on my end. I hope that a literary agent will find my body of work more appealing if I had a promise of more to come and an extended universe that I hope to build.

The main take-away you should get from this post is that I am working on something huge and I am VERY excited to share it with all of you.

Hopefully, I can do that soon.

Not Inspired

I haven’t touched my latest book in over a week.

I get distracted easily. Between having to put my dog down yesterday (as of writing this), and the bullshit with American elections, I just have not been in the right headspace. I cannot even use current events in my writing.

Well, most current events, anyway.

It really does raise the question: how many words is enough? My ultimate goal is about one-hundred thousand. i am just over seventeen thousand right now, which is horrible seeing as I started writing a year ago. I have been kind of stuck on silly things. Things that I shouldn’t be stuck on, like fantastical concepts that have no place being based in reality.

For instance, my main character discovered a way of space-travel that is damn close to light speed. 99.9% to be exact. We only have reached speeds like that in theories, and we have not figured out a way to get a human to go anywhere near that. For some-fucking-reason, I am determined to have the science at least KIND OF work. I have been staring at the paragraphs (literal paragraphs. Like, maybe 4) determined to have the inspiration to figure this quandary out. Fuck the rest of the text, personal dilemmas faced by the main, or world building: I HAVE TO ANSWER THIS!

I don’t even know why I am allowing myself to be stuck on a point that I could gloss over. The point of the main character is that she is the only scientist alive who has even kind of solved the “dilemma” of overcoming the speed of light as a pace of travel. The crux of the text is actually a more philosophical aside from that idea.

With all of that said, I may be using that as an excuse to not write. Like I mentioned, I could gloss over the technical points. I have a tonne of writing that has to do with my main character getting to the point where her discovery even matters. I have little shame in admitting that the Presidential race of the USA, and subsequent lawsuits (regardless of barring on my immediate life), has been waying heavy on my everything.

Maybe, just maybe, next week will be better.

Fictional Time

I am having a hard time rationalizing time in relation to my next book.

It is supposed to take place over years. Decades, even. I am very comfortable with that concept.

HOWEVER.

I have a couple of events that happen back-to-back, narratively. However, I have made them take place years apart on a literal scale. That was kind of by accident, kind of not.

Let’s start with the not.
I intended for the events to happen with a large gap between them. Of course, by large gap, I ment a few months. I am dealing with hours, however, and made it 10,000 hrs (~416 days) and 100,000 hrs (~4166 days).

Now, I could narratively make that gap make sense. I could express how time has little meaning, or do little vignettes further explaining events over that time.

The other direction I could go is to shrink the time by a factor of 10. That would make it ~42 days and ~416 days. That makes a lot more sense, as this is dealing with space travel. I am trying to keep some sort of realism in the story, and oxygen alone would make 11 years difficult, at the best.

If you haven’t noticed yet, I am writing this more out of a selfish need to rationalize my decisions than I am writing this for a concrete answer. I have given myself a plethora of time to figure this out, and it really has little bearing on the grand scope of the narrative.

Just, trust me. It will all make sense in a bit.