I am sorry for the vanishing last week. My wife bought me a new laptop for our anniversary, and it was very difficult for me using my main PC to update.

*insert joke about being blind here*

So, yeah! I have a new laptop. It is nothing fancy, but it does mark the first time I have owned a Windows computer in over fifteen years. No: it cannot handle the gaming that comes with having Windows over Mac, but there are other programs that I can utilize for the first time since early high school. I’ll let you know when I bust one out.

I know that you probably crave specs. Unfortunately for all three or four of you that even care, I do not care. I am just happy that I can have a computer on my lap for the first time in a week or so without getting angry at how slow everything has gotten.

Oh: I should probably fill you in on what happened with my last laptop…

Basically: it slowed to a crawl after my dog knocked a coffee onto it. I was far from surprised that it had that effect, but I was upset non-the-less. The massive perk with this computer is that it is actually lighter than the one I had. The downside is that, though disabled, Cortana is fucking EVERYWHERE. I don’t trust it. I was able to disable Siri no problem, so I am sure that I can figure out a block in no-time.

Now, excuse me while I remember how to use this fucking OS in a timely manner.

*gets frustrated and gets coffee*

PLEASE NOTE: I may come off as ungreatful, but I am quite the opposite. She got me a fucking LAPTOP! How awesome is that!?!?!?!?!?!

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It was brought to my attention that I kept saying that Elaine would be released in July and I pushed it to June. That was my mistake, I guess I was just excited. Almighty Human written by the amazing Hannah Jordan will still be released September first. I am excited. I hope you are to.