I feel terrible.

I was talking to a friend of mine regarding the American election that is about to happen, and I expressed how horrible I felt. I have this feeling of panic that normally would be in connection with a severe lack of nicotine in my bloodstream, or the grasp of doom and death taking its on my everything.

She pointed out the idea that it could be caused by a climate of dread that looms over the impending election.

As a Canadian, I have literally no say in the way the election goes. It feels mildly ironic, seeing as the outcome of the election has a direct influence on the way politics on a global scale shapes over the next few terms. Not to mention the possible consequences it could have on the WHO.

I bring a very simple question that I want an honest answer to: what has the current government done in the last four years that has benefited you directly? I honestly wish to know. As a Canadian, I have not seen one thing that does anything good for the standard man. I see a lot for companies, and I see a lot being done to sew confusion and fear, but little-to-no good.

If I just missed it, I will concede my point.

My initial point is still that we can all get through this trying time. We have each other, and feeling useless is normal.

Change is scary. Together, we can do whatever we need to.

Are We Friends…?

The title of the piece is the eternal question for someone who spends all of their time online. I am constantly fighting with myself, trying to decide whether or not someone is a friend or just an entity online. It raises the question: can someone who you never meet or talk to on a regular basis be a friend? I would argue yes.

Most likely the person is in your feed because you appreciate their input or you enjoy what they produce. Where it gets dicey is having too many people in your feeds that just agree with everything you post, causing your opinion to never be pushed or strained. This causes an almost utopian existence.

Tell me my opinion is shit. Well, only if you can back up why with evidence or statistics. I will always hear out alternate opinions that are not just trolling for trolling sake. The idea of never having my opinion tested is actually a fear of mine. I make sure to read something that goes in the face of what I believe pretty close to daily. Worst case: I learn how right I am to have that view.

Do I always do this? Is my mind truly open and accepting of every view, even if it contradicts my own views?
Hell no. I do try incredibly hard to keep my mind open, but some topics I have a very hard time challenging my opinion. That only doubles if I think an alternate way of thinking is detrimental to the human race.

Religion is one place that I am steadfast even if it is easy to disprove my opinion on a matter. I believe that the end is the end, and there is no further existence outside of what we have right now. I will fully admit, a big part of that is a fear that my actions will have further repercussions down the line that I never intended. I need to think that when I die, I no longer have any attachment to this mortal coil because I cannot fathom hurting those in my life. Even if I die a natural death and there is no immediacy in my passing, I do not want to dwell on the people who might be negatively affected by my passing. Not that I put much emphasis on my importance in others lives, but I worry about how my parents would deal if I went before them. I worry how my wife will cope, if anyone will help her out, and what happens to my dogs.

Thankfully, in my mind, we die and nothing that happens after matters. The book I have been writing for months? Lost in the files of this computer I am currently sitting at. If I worried about every facet of my life, I would be a wreck. I actually take comfort the most of my friends live far away from me: if I die, they might never know.

I digress.

What is a friend? Someone who you are happy to know that they are still alive. Someone who’s words matter in your day to day. Someone who you can honestly say you love.

valentine’s day

I love my wife, very much. It doesn’t change that I hate this day with a passion. I think it’s shallow, and I resent the idea that we have a day to remind us to express the love for another. So, I give you a collection of things that are true on ever level to put into cards or whatever. I got my wife flowers.

We all die alone.
but I want to pretend that I die with you.

Let’s attach ourselves legally and monetarily
because that is what society says that you’re supposed to do.

For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health
being saddled with incredible debts and thinking we could ever own anything.

Put up with my artistic expressions
or else I’ll blame you for my stagnation.

I love you today…
…and will tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow…
…even when I hate you.

I love how
I feel like I have to buy you stuff when I cannot afford it.

Remember when we were younger?
Our clothing does.

I’ll let you pick half the playlist…
…and I won’t complain that much.

I won’t think of other people sexually.
I promise.

No News is Good News?

As the title implies, I have been up to very little this week. Mostly writing, and editing, for my new project.

I am pretty sure that I have the first story (called Elaine) complete to satisfactory. Please, join the Patreon for a subscription, and look into the explanations page if you are an aspiring writer!

Oh: and happy June!

Special thank you to my personal Patrons! With there help, I am able to afford to keep this site up another year!

I have nothing else to report for this update, so I will leave you with an album you need in your life. Die Hexe is by far one of, if not the greatest bands I found through MtM. Give it a listen. Let me know what you think!

UPDATE A FEW DAYS LATER!

I have already given up on doing the publication thing the way I was gearing up for. There was just one or two text-based supporters and just one person even signed up for it. Between that and the fact that I could not make the price of signing up lower than a dollar, I decided to shut it down.

This brings good news to everyone, though! I am going to be going ahead with releasing a new story every couple of months! There are more details on my Patreon, but I am going to be posting them here. For now, it will be instead of a regular blog. I have updated my Patreon to include new goals related to that, as well as a goal to help me afford my medication every month.

Have I mentioned recently how much I love you? The people who frequent this site are instrumental in giving me a reason to do something/anything with myself. The Patreon supporters are fantastic as well, for letting me afford to do this. You get love, also!