Total Collapse

I have been ruminating on writing this for literal weeks. Not because I am afraid of offending people, the people who would be offended somewhat need to be offended. No, simply because there is too much that has been going on in my head.

I hate the culture of ignorance around this pandemic. It feels like there is willful ignorance and too many fake professionals giving their two cents. If I hear how horrible it is that Canada hasn’t opened its borders to the US again, I think I will actually lose my voice screaming at the screen. Same goes for letting kids back to school, or how the vaccine has a microchip, and the most egregious: how the mask is inconvenient.

I get the allure of having kids go back to school. “Free” daycare so parents can go to work. There are so many things wrong with these sediments, but the easiest rebbutle is that this will cause the pandemic to spring back up in numbers. Kids are gross and needy. They will touch each other, no matter the precautions that are put in place. This puts teachers lives in danger. This puts families lives in danger. I cannot even express how blind and arrogant this whole idea is. Again, I understand the want. I just have a hard time accepting that we (as a society) are ready when we just have quintuple digits worth of new cases spring up in some places in the states.

Do you have a license? Do you have pets? Do you notify the government when you move? Do you collect mail? Do you have a cellphone? Do you belong to a country with universal healthcare? Do you have a bank account?
If you answered yes to any of the above: THE GOVERNMENT DOESN’T NEED TO MICROCHIP YOU.
There is nothing that they cannot access already that they could learn from checking your blood. Health records are accessible to government agencies, so they know everything from your blood type to your diet.
And no: you cannot figure out sexual orientation or physical disability from blood. I HATE THAT I HAVE TO WRITE THAT.

The states have literally created an Orwellian police state. Here is a video showing and explaining much better than I could.

Wear your fucking mask. Just, wear the fuking thing. Yes, it can be uncomfortable, but there is no excuse whatsoever. If you think there is, then doctors shouldn’t wear one when they do surgery. Wear your fucking mask.

I am not an expert. I am just sick of being assaulted constantly with so much misinformation that I don’t know where to start my tyrades.

The Last Week

The title of this can be taken two different ways: either a recap of the events of the last week, or the final week that can be.

So, I have finally and officially left Mohawk College res and am living at home for two weeks until I get an apartment in Burlington. It is kind of strange, not being left totally alone whenever I want to be. It is quite nice, however. The not having to make my coffee for myself for the first time in a year is very strange.

I have to extend my thank you to everyone who worked the front desk at the Residence & Conference Centre. They were all so very kind and fun to talk to. I consider them my friends, and will miss each one very dearly.

I also have to say thank you to my group of friends. You made everything more fun and palatable. Not to mention inappropriate and glorious. Nothing too bad, I swear. Yes, there were times I was tempted to thrash my voice exclaiming inappropriate things at certain people, but it was all worth it for the company of the rest.

What have I learned in the last year? Well, that I am able to do a lot more than I thought I could. I lived on my own for just shy of a year and did not die!

OH! I also met the love of my life. Natasha Soulis and started dating soon after I got to residence. It was love at first sight.

She’s funny, she’s cute, she’s amazing. I asked her to marry me back on the 19th of August, and she said yes! What a great thing. To be honest, I do not have words to describe how happy this situation has left me.


I was so angry…

Hello and welcome to the Monthly Update! I’m sorry that I am not doing weekly any longer; I was a bit burnt out. HOPEFULLY this new update schedule will allow me to be a bit more thorough and will grant me the time to make sure updates remain interesting and methodical.

I was outside the other night, hanging out and laughing with some friends, when I was confronted with the most outrageous question.

“So, can you walk?”

It seems innocent enough in writing, but the inflection was that of assumption. The person who asked the question genuinely expected me to get up at that point in celebration of my legs and demonstrate how I am just using this mode of transportation because… uh… Maybe she thought it was a fashion statement?

Regardless of what she thought the end-game was, she was actually surprised that I took offence to the statement.

I raised my voice and shouted “fuck you, I can’t” and she got mildly confused. I tried to explain, with great conviction, that people are in chairs for reason. No one thinks “I’m going to hang out in a wheelchair this month!” Not many abled people, anyway.

The fact of the matter is that, yes, there are people who can walk that just need the assistance every once in a while.

There are people who are stricken down, rather randomly, by incredible joint or bone fatigue. They may go DAYS without a wheelchair, but eventually, their body will just “nope” that day and they cannot walk. There are people who have amputations and have a prosthetic limb that needs servicing one day, and they are in a chair for a while as it gets fixed/resized.

After I went on my rant and the girl left rather shaken up, my friend piped up exclaiming that she would not even ask why people are in a chair.

Initial shock had worn off, so (RATIONALLY) I explained that most people do not mind being asked (please let me know if I am wrong). Please remember you are talking to a person. They have feelings. They can read situations fairly well, at least some can.

The one warning I can offer: do not be offended if they do not want to talk about it. Do not be disappointed if they give a half answer and change topic. Either they will explain if/when they feel more comfortable with you. Or they will never explain. Maybe you asked at the wrong time. Maybe even they do not understand the whole story. Maybe they just DON’T WANT TO TELL YOU.

Just explain, as calmly as you can, that you are sorry. Tell them why you asked: most people in chairs are used to being marginalized.

People in wheelchairs are faced with scrutiny and inequality everyday. This idea does not even include those who already have very unhealthy feelings about being in a wheelchair. I cannot speak for everyone else, but I know I have had a very hard time feeling worthy of the title of “human being” because literally most of my body is chair. There seems to be a stigma that people bound to a wheelchair are “sick” and I know that I have been trying to get over that idea for the better part of two years.

The Course Swap

I fucked up

So, I tried, I really did. I could not care about the course I was in. I am sorry to all those who really hopped I could.


Starting January, I am switching into a software IT course. I know that I will be successful in that one. I was avoiding going into it because it is dealing with aspects of computers that I have been doing myself for about ten years. Some parts, even longer.

The Urban Development field is just not for me. I know the people I am leaving behind will be successful. I know that it is an important field. I see why it is necessary and how it is very important in the grand scheme. I do not want people to think that I have walked away from it without learning anything. Parts of it were very interesting, and parts of it were very important.

The problem is that I just could not associate it with me, in anyway. I had a very hard time being invested in it because of that. I am embarrassed because I showed such great excitement towards going into that world.

So, to counter what I just experienced, I will not say that I “know that I will do well” this time. I will say that I already know a lot of the programming world. I will say that this course is much closer to the life I already lead. I will say that I do not want to disappoint anyone.

The People Around Me


I am kind of constructing this as I go, so I am sorry if it seems muddled in any way…

So, as the title dictates, I am going to write about a couple people who have gone up and beyond what I ever expected.
First, I have to thank Melanie at SCIO. Her dedication to helping me over the last year and a half has been fantastic. She has tried to assist in every way she knows how, and in some ways she does not! She is new to some of this. Together, we have been searching though laws and all the fun fine print to see what is available and how I can get the necessary help that I need. She has also been an ear and a voice of reason. It has been fantastic working with her.

Second, I have to thank Amanda. She is one of the employees at the residence here in Hamilton. We talked at long length one day about the financial things I have been struggling with. She, having “insider knowledge” about such things, gave me direction with who to talk to and what to say. I am pretty sure she would kill me for posting anything about her, but OH WELL TO LATE!

My teachers have all been great in making sure I am accommodated, even if it is just in stupid little ways. Joan, my program head, is always eager and willing to help me find a spot. I know that seems trivial, but seriously, some of those desks are fucking massive.
They are also great at getting doors. Again: Sounds trivial. I have gone on this rant before.

The collection of people in my course have also been great at making sure I am comfortable and equipped. I am not going to say specific people, but I will say I have not had a negative experience.
Then again, it is only the end of October: They may still come up.*

Finally, I have to mention my friends, once again. They all have busy lives (Shannon and Ryan getting married, Chrissy and Adam getting engaged {finally}…) but they still make the attempt to say hi from time to time.

The unfortunate bit about where I am situated; I am just far enough from “home” to make the commute a drag. It is an hour by car and close to impossible any other way. When someone cannot come through on a wish to come out, I am never offended.
Except for that one time. Yeah. I was salty then…*

I am having a hard time in school right now, but I hope to be clearing that up soon. Keep posted.

OH! I am also bad at updating Social Media when I do a post to Mind The Music TO, which is every Monday. SERIOUSLY: I have come across some great independent talent as of late. Go check some out!
OH! Katie also takes some amazing pictures. That is the point of the site, so I should probably mention that.

*it is hard to express sarcasm in writing, so anything marked with an asterisk is said accompanied by an eye roll and a very interesting inflection

Some Happy Things

I currently live on my own and love my course that I am, at the time of writing this, doing very poorly in but will turn it around not to worry I promise.

Seriously, though: It is probably weird to hear a twenty-six year old praising the independence they have for “the first time.” I cannot explain to anyone how fantastic it is feeling to come to my own place and do whatever I want.

Again: I am well aware that most my age have experienced this. Hell, even I have in short bursts thanks to tour, girlfriends, friends, and just life in general. Really, my home has not been anything but a place where I occasionally sleep for a very long time.

That was the strange part of being in hospital for so long. I really did become accustomed to doing things the way that it seems that I will do them for a long time.

Do I like my bed being made? Doesn’t everyone? It became apparent that the things I was living at home for are things that everyone would appreciate. The things I was loosing was far greater.

So, here I sit in filth of MY OWN CHOOSING and loving every second of it.
Also, this is a happy post. Though I am listening to “Title & Registration” by Death Cab for Cutie, I do so with a huge smile on my face. I am about to get pretty close to null on a project but it was because of me. It is nice that I can blame myself and just carry on and “punish” myself however I see fit.

Anyway, Goodbye!


Well, I should probably fill you in about what is going on now, instead of dwelling on financial bullshit.

So, as I have stated, I am a student now at Mohawk College in Hamilton. I have to live in residence because commuting would just be a horrible event. There are one too many hills between my home and here.
I am not serious.

ANYWAY! I have met my roommate. He is very nice. I will not go into too many details because of legal reasons, but I can say he is nice.

My view is actually fantastic. I can see ten trees without actually trying to look around. There is a road, but it is far from busy.

I am a fair distance from the school itself. It takes about five minuets of rolling to reach the doors, but I found a path that is accessible already. Good thing, to, because there are many “wrong” ways to go if you are not paying attention.

So far, students have been courteous and kind, holding doors open and realizing that I cannot travel as fast as most. I have only had one “run in” with someone, and he was just being a dick to pretty well everyone.

Class is not today (Monday, September eighth), but I did meet three fellow patrons. All very friendly. All very clueless as to what to do. With today a free day, my first class will be government and law regulations. As boring as this probably sounds to people, I am beside myself with excitement. Really, computers are the only class I am not excited for.

But, yeah. Not much to say, yet. I am sure there will be more next week. I will, at the very least, know a bit more about the day-to-day and whatnot.

Issues around school and accommodations.

It is not a secret: I got accepted to Mohawk College for Urban Design starting in September. I got a scholarship and thumbs up from the program head for my disability. I have been working tirelessly on trying to get my head back “in the game” and trying to prove to everyone around me that I can and WILL do this.

Now, the issues are piling in.

The recovery time is such that IF EVERYTHING GOES WELL, I’ll be good to start school on the start day. Any hiccup, however, will halt everything. My surgeon is in Kitchener, my GP is in Cambridge, and my family is, well, here. SCHOOL IS A WHOLE HOUR ON A GOOD DAY AWAY, HOWEVER.

The other concern is around diet. I am not a vegetarian, but I eat a diet damn close to being one. I eat all organic food and I avoid things that are “Not Good” for me. Have you seen a college dorm? The food nearby is fucking deplorable.

Though it is just speculation, my current diet seems to be what is aiding my recovery and growth. Giving that up now is raising some eyebrows.

What it comes down to is that I am a twenty-six year old male, and I need to just get on with life.

I have major issues with people being placed in a bubble and kept away from everything with the assumption that things will get better and not doing that will make things worse. People need to live a life. People need to fuck up. People need to get hurt, very hurt, life-threateningly hurt, to learn sometimes. I am no longer saying this with a juvenile outlook on things, I am saying this as someone who has almost died three times and did not. I am saying this as an adult-like person. I am saying this from a wheelchair that I cannot life myself out of.

Is my word law? Hell no. Do I still want some decisions made for me? Fuck yes. I, however, want to make some, as well. I have a brain. I have plans. I cannot voice them all because I am unaware of how they sound, but I have plans.

I want to advocate. I want to speak publicly. I want to have a say in laws and regulation.

I digress.

Goals and Goals and Goals and…

I should probably talk about school.

I got accepted to Mohawk College back in March. I did not tell them about my disability before my acceptance because I was afraid to get accepted for unfair reasons. I will need to stay in residence for at least my first year, due to not being physically fit. It really does work out pretty well: Hamilton is just a bit too far to commute to if I could.

I am going to be enrolled in the Urban Development course. My end goal is to work on accessibility in as much of Ontario as possible. I have come across some horrible situations of “accessible” over the last two years, so I want to voice my opinions, and correct what I can.

Even if I am no longer in the wheelchair, I want to advocate for that community.

My biggest fear? To not be well enough to continue. I believe I will be, however. I have made it though everything else so far. I have one more major surgery that I am really far from excited for, but it’s all just recovery after that.


I just recived the Joubin/Selig Scholarship and I am beside myself with excitement. I would like to thank everyone who has pushed me towards this event. I will not let you down.