A year end reminder…

Happy Holidays! I hope your day has been/is fantastic!

Yes, I do say happy holidays. I am not Christian, and am also extending my blessing to everyone who has a reason to celebrate.

I am going to have a video prepared for the end of the month or early next year, but I wanted to remind everyone to have a safe New Years. I feel like an overbearing parent saying that, but I have lost a friend or two every year due to excessive or stupid partying.

I don’t want sympathy for that point: I just want you to be safe and as awesome as you want to be.

Also, did anyone actually do their resolution from last year? Mine was to survive the year, so I think I did okay. If you did not succeed, that’s okay! Most people don’t make it, and life is hard; especially right now.

Here’s to a fucking great 2023! Or, a somewhat more decent 2023! Remember: don’t touch anything and keep your voice quiet. I am taking a risk in jinxing it, and no one else should pile on!

ooops hiatus.

I just made the realization regarding how long it has been since my last actual blog post, and not just me advertising the vlog and whatnot.
(while I’m on the topic, please subscribe)

Allow me to take your time to remind you that my book is available on Amazon and a few other places.

If you have already picked up a copy, please remember to leave a review! Even just some-number-of-stars and no text is fantastic. It really does help the recommendation algorithm, if such a thing exists. Plus, if I sell just 3000 copies, I can afford to release my next book, which is already complete! Also, I started another one. So, that puts my current list of WIP’s to 3, which is both intimidating and awkward, yet interesting and exciting!

Anyway, I will be taking the rest of the year to catch up on stuff and HOPEFULLY get my shit together.

Have a great festive season, and may your New Years be exciting (in a good way).

Unnamed Podcast 40

I recorded this because I got thinking about how we put too much pressure on ourselves to be the best at things we claim to love. We seem to forget that we love something because we love it. If you love something, there should not be a goal, unless what you love is the goal. There is nothing wrong with getting better, but your attachment should not be based on skill.

Also, another link to buy my book! It makes a great addition to a Christmas gift!

Soon

In 10 days, my latest publication of You’re Not Dead gets released through Olympia publishers! I am beyond excited. I have paired it down so it’s just the tale of hospital life, I was given over 300 new edits that needed to be made, and I signed a contract that my next book has to be pitched with them!

Okay, the last point was more of a humble brag, but I am very excited!

The book has a new cover, as well! I will not spoil it until I get my copy, mostly because that does not seem fair to me, but I can assure you that it looks pretty! Probably because I didn’t make it this time in 20 min while I waited for water to boil for my fifth cup of coffee.

Anyway, as soon as I get more information, I will be sure to pass it along. Keep your eyes peeled to this site, as I will be posting the new cover once I get the final proofs and whatnot!

Just a reminder that I scrapped my Patreon, and am now using Buy Me a Coffee. It seems like exploitative to ask for donations when I actually produce something as opposed to demanding a kind of subscription. I am prone to go silent for weeks at a time; and, for that, I am incredibly sorry!

oh hai thurr

This is kind of a long overdue introduction to me, because I am an arrogant person who seems to write far too much about myself.

I was born in London, Ontario. Lived in Ingersoll for a number of years. Moved to Cambridge for 20 years starting about the age of 6. I went through elementary school and had little to speak of, as far as doing anything too noteworthy. High school is when things got kind of neat!

I started my own record label when I was 15. It was right after recording my first demo with my first band and I felt that it gave us some credibility. It did not, but I felt special anyway. That was All Cut Up. I was with that band from 2005 to 2009. Over that stretch, I helped in the writing and recording of 4 sessions, including 3 EPs and a full length album. We disbanded, and I joined The Twin (who kind of tricked me). I was supposed to just be doing studio sessions while they figured out the first album. They told me that they were looking for another member. About two months into playing with them, they informed me that I was always intended to be their full drummer.

Three EPs and a few hundred shows later, that chapter closed because I had started to join Chance Procedures. It was just me and two others doing instrumental tracks that carried the burden of keeping attention with nothing but fantastic hooks.

From 2007 onward, I was working at a used record shop. I loved my job, and it exposed me to literal months worth of music that I still love today. I was hired part-time, but slowly I moved my way to being the manager of the Cambridge location.

One night, my parents were concerned about the way I was acting and took me to a hospital. I died two times in the following two weeks. I was in a coma for just shy of a month, and I don’t actually have memories from the middle of Octobre 2013 to February 2014.

I was quadriplegic for the next six months. I moved from Toronto, to Cambridge, to Hamilton. All of those hospitals and no exact diagnosis. I regained movement of my arms shortly after I entered Hamilton, and I was finally able to announce my continued existence to the world.

Since I can no longer play the drums like I used to, I started writing to express myself in some way. I now have a book out (3rd edition not released at the time of writing) and another on the way. I know I glazed over several interesting steps, but I assure you, my book goes further into detail about what I went through.

Any additional questions? Leave a comment somewhere! I’ll do my best to answer!

Actors

I haven’t done the research, mostly because I am unsure how to go about it. This is more observation than anything further.

I was watching Parks & Recreation the other day, and I noticed that one of the actors on that play a character in a wheelchair in Superstore. It came as a shock to me, because he portrays someone using a wheelchair so well in Superstore but he obviously does not use one in real life. That realization got me to do MINOR research, and I noticed that most people in chairs are played by able-bodied people.

I mean, I get it. Depending on the nature of why someone is in a wheelchair could cause insurance to get pulled from most shoots. I am also unsure now if any actors are native wheelchair users.

To be clear, the depictions I have seen have been respectful, for the most part. Probably for the same reason I am writing this as carefully as I can. Cheep-shots and bad representation can get you publically demolished, let alone that it is just mean. I would like to think that most writers know that, or at least have not even thought of being horrible because they aren’t horrible people.

In the event that my observations are correct — that there aren’t many/any people in wheelchairs acting, I am curious if that could change. I have come across a couple deaf actors, and at least one or two blind. Does anyone have any leads or names I could look up?

I should probably place a link to my Patreon here. I have been asked a couple of times this week if I have one. I do, and it helps me pay the amounts I need to keep this site running PLUS helps me eat. If you feel like donating, I would very much appreciate it!

Assumptions

This post might seem like I’m just bitching…

The issue I have been noticing with being disabled is that people expect you to have some sort of grand insight into what social issues there are with being disabled. I have noticed myself being hindered by the idea where not everything I write or vlog about is in relation to me being in a wheelchair, so this post is to people who are in that camp.

The irony of feeling I should be discussing disability issues is the deafness and tragic comedy of the situation.

Okay, that sounds incredibly selfish, so please allow me to put it another way.

I spent 24 years of my life not disabled. I got the meningitis vaccine in high school, and got meningitis anyway. It induced encephalitis, and now I am in a wheelchair and suffer from epilepsy. So, when I start to complain about how “hard life is”, I feel disingenuous. I feel like I am just complaining because my life has hit a road block, and I am worried that my “plight” will take attention away from more important issues. I also feel as though I am far from qualified enough to talk on the social and economic issues at hand.

When someone says that they will not follow or promote my work because it’s not focused enough on disability issues, this is why I find my respect for that person start to drop.

I have lived a great portion of my life under the assumption that I should not let my shortfalls hold me back, and now that I am in a place where my shortfalls have a greater impact, I still hold that advise to a higher regard. Possibly, a higher regard than I should.

My point simply being: if I have a “hot-take” on some social or political issue, I will probably write about it. If I don’t, it either doesn’t impact me or I don’t want to give wrong information. If I am NOT focused enough on things you feel I should be, don’t read my blog. That simple.

this is normal

It turns out that epilepsy is linked to depression. I thought I was just feeling down because, even after seven years of dealing with it, I never quite got okay with being in the wheelchair. My mind also played with the idea that it is because I’m not playing on stage anymore: maybe it’s a kind of withdrawal?

No. As a friend of mine put it, “all this brain stuff effects depression”. See, she also suffers from epilepsy, and has for a very long time I asked her, flat out, if this is “normal” because I knew that, of anyone, she would know.

Actually, I told her my findings and asked her if she felt down and if she could link it to her depression. Well, I asked her all of that in a less rambly way.

I am not using this as a crutch.
I am not putting all past and future actions on this one fact.
I AM looking into it to explain some things I have said to myself. To come up with some sort of reason for things said that I normally would never dream of. This helps me understand and rationalize some of my less-desirable traits that have come to my attention as of late. Not excuse reactions away, but explain why I might say or do something completely out of character.

I feel like I have to express this the most public way I have available to me.

UNFORTUNATELY FOR YOU: that is a blog post.

My reading was from this site, and it really does explain epilepsy and depression in an easy-to-read way.

Reality

I have the strangest bit of writer’s block.

Well, to call it “writer’s block” is a bit of a misnomer. It is more of a crippling wall that I find myself behind.

Okay, let me backup a bit:

I am a fan of writing parts out of order. If I find myself stuck at an important part, I leave it alone for a bit, and move forward. I then go back to the part that I find myself stuck behind and hope that what I have done moving forward has either answered what I am stuck on, or given me an out.

The story I am writing right now involves a bit of physics that does not exist. It involves movement faster than light, which is empirically impossible (as of the writing of this journal) and shows no possibility of being conquered. So, in usual fashion, I started writing further into the story to fill out other ideas.

I wrote over 10,000 words when I hit another wall showing me that I need to, at least, fudge the concept into some kind of in-universe reality. The part that makes it so hard is that I am trying to keep the world that I have built at least KIND OF realistic. It involves science that does not exist: it involves science that we want to exist. This means that I have a lot of information that would not work, and what makes it MORE frustrating is that if I try to use the thing that doesn’t work, people will quickly debunk it and the story becomes tainted.

I know that I am putting too much faith into the reading community. I should just write something and stop worrying if it makes sense. I should just ‘yadda yadda’ the movement thing when it comes up in the future. I should have written something easier.

I is not that brite an’ is no gud at riting.

Unfortunately for me, and my back account, I am an arrogant fucker who wants to create something that warrants respect. I am sick of being the “guy who helps do stuff” and I want to become someone worth a damn.

Speaking of being worth a damn, did you want to be in the thank-you section of the book that I just spent the top portion of this post bitching about? Donate as little as a dollar to my Patreon a month, and that will happen! It also helps me keep this blog going for another year. I mean, it will anyway: the monetary gain just makes it worth it.