A month ago, I got into a discussion with someone. It came up (passively) that I was in a wheelchair, to which they responded with an “I’m sorry” and left the conversation. Immediatly, I was compelled to explain that I was not upset with my position. I wanted to share that, if it wasn’t for the wheelchair, I would still be constrained to a bed and I would probably have given up on everything, including living, long ago. I wanted to explain how a wheelchair is the opposite of a death sentence, as it gives the needed assistance to living a life and actually completing something: not just for the user, but for the greater web of society.

Then, before I said a word, I was already exhausted. I was offended that it was on me to explain that it was for the best. I was aghast that I was put into a position where I had to almost defend the entire wheelchair community to this one person who was clearly responding in bad faith.

I have left this topic alone because I wanted to make sure my head was clear enough to not respond with the text equivalent of gnashing teeth and frothing mouth. It is NOT on the part of the person who is disabled to explain why their disability is not a bad thing. The most that someone should say in response to hearing about their use of a wheelchair, or a hearing aid, or GLASSES is “how do you feel about that?” That should be the most direct question about the “situation” that should be asked or assumed.

Hell, I’m not even going to go further. If you don’t understand what I mean, talk to a person with a disability. Maybe get more information before defaulting to assuming that they are suffering all because they use a wheelchair or some other assistive device. Do NOT just show them that you feel sorry that they are different. That might not be your intent, but the words you choose to use do have weight.