I have always wanted to be an author.
I never had dreams of being rich off of writing. I did not know the first thing about story design or expressing a topic through words. I barely knew anything about advertisement or proper naming conventions. So when I realized that it was actually happening, that it was a thing, I was and still am shocked.
I will state over and over again that I am still in shock people are interested. I find it even more surprising that people actually like it. It being the words that I wrote down, of course. It all felt very natural. It all seemed like a good idea and something that I could actually do, as opposed to just a dream that I was holding onto frivolously.
I have already had more people purchase the book than I ever had purchase any of the music that I was a part of. In the first five days alone, I sold ten copies. It does not sound like a huge accomplishment, but SOLD instead of giving copies away for free. The biggest difference I have noticed is that you tell people that you have a books worth of updates and blogs, they never look into it. If you put the same text into a book, it gains a greater worth. People then start to notice.
For right now, I just have the kind responses from people to base the quality of the the text. I am forever a critic of my own work and fail to see much merit in it. Especially because I see the glaring flaws and horrible ideas. Even worse is how I see broken ideas and thoughts EVEN THOUGH I based the text on the worst part of my short life.
I regret how short it turned out to be (even though it sits at almost 20,000 words). I regret not explaining how it should be read very slowly over months to get the full effect. There are a plethora of things that I would have changed or voiced differently. It is, however, written now. It is available now. There is nothing more I can do to it.
One thing I was never expecting is how I see it as a living being. I see it as a benchmark for which I have to overcome it. I will write a follow-up and, damnit, it will be better. I have been swimming in ideas for a fiction. I have pages thought up for another non-fiction. I am lost. I am exited.